reflections

Carrying the cross

2012-01-24T17:54:00.005+06:00

I read a story ascribed to one Schiller, a German author that tells once upon a time long long ago birds did not have wings and managed to strut about on their legs. Then God in His infinite mercy threw wings at their feet and asked them to carry the wings on their backs. The birds felt that this was an imposition of a hard job and a burden. Nevertheless they obeyed God and carried what they thought were unwieldy wings. When the wings got attached to their body, they were surprised they could fly easily. What they thought initially a burden turned out to be a boon.

Many of the burdens we bear in life are not by our choice. We often bemoan that we are burdened with hardships more than our share. True things do not seem fair in life when we compare with others and the outcome is not based on the effort one puts in. We know very little of the divine design as the burden could be beneficial as in the above story or it could be to liquidate the past karma if you believe in Karma theory.

We cannot wish away many burdens. The attitude towards the burden can make them seem lighter. In the rural sides when technology had not appeared, the labourers, when they did heavy labour like lifting water from deep well or while dealing with heavy weights, sang a song in unison. The monotony and the heaviness of work would seem bearable. When life's problems seem overwhelming, a song , a prayer or a look around showing others coping with bigger burdens would do the trick
Sometimes we choose a burden willingly to help others in distress. We add burden to ourselves. Such burdens would turn out to be beneficial by divine blessings as the story below would show

“Sadhu Sundar Singh, a Hindu convert to Christianity, became a missionary to his people in India. Late one afternoon Sadhu was traveling on foot through the Himalayas with a Buddhist monk. It was bitterly cold and the wind felt like sharp blades slicing into their skins. Night was fast approaching when the monk warned Sadhu that they were in danger of freezing to death if they did not reach the monastery before darkness fell.

Suddenly, on a narrow path above a steep precipice, they heard a cry for help. At the foot of the cliff lay a man, fallen and badly hurt. The monk looked at Sadhu and said, "Do not stop. God has brought this man to his fate. He must work it out for himself. Let us hurry on before we, too, perish."

But Sadhu replied, "God has sent me here to help my brother. I cannot abandon him."

The monk continued trudging off through the whirling snow, while the missionary clambered down the steep embankment. The injured man's leg was broken and he could not walk, so Sadhu made a sling of his blanket and tied the man on his back. With great difficulty he climbed back up the cliff, drenched by now in perspiration.

Doggedly, Sadhu made his way through the deepening snow and darkness. It was all he could do to follow the path. But he persevered, though faint with fatigue and overheated from exertion. Finally, he saw ahead the lights of the monastery.

Then, for the first time, Sadhu stumbled and nearly fell. But not from weakness. He had stumbled over an object lying in the snow-covered road. Slowly he bent down on one knee and brushed the snow off the object. It was the body of the monk, frozen to death.

Years later a disciple of Sadhu's asked him, "What is life's most difficult task?"

Without hesitation Sadhu replied: ‘To have no burden to carry’."

"Be assured beyond all doubting,

In the trial you're passing through,

That the Lord's great love and mercy

Is at work for good in you."-

Anon.

Intensity of problem and our perception

2011-12-31T14:10:00.004+06:00

The intensity of the problem is more a function of the mind. The problem remains the same and how we perceive it determines its size. Invariably when you think of a problem in the middle of the night, it appears difficult and not easy of resolution but the same problem appears minor in the morning.

I read a story in a book by VIshal Goyal on Tenali Rama.It seems that once a man approached Tenali Rama complaining that he found his home small and noisy and would like to change for a spacious and less noisy one without spending any money. Tenali Rama advised the man to bring his chicken, horse, cows and sheep inside the house and live with them. The man though perplexed complied with the advice. The next day he came rushing to Tenali Rama saying that his place is cramped and very noisy and smelling and that he cannot put up with the animals anymore. Tenali advised him to remove the animals away. On doing this the man found his house spacious and very quiet and could breathe happily. It was the same house in the same place.

The lesson given by the author is “”Every problem has a ‘context’. If you change the ‘context’, the problem may cease to exist.". This is somewhat like a nagging mild head ache receding totally into background when afflicted with a bigger ailment or some pressing issue crying for attention. The nature of the problem depends upon the opinion we attach to it and it is within our power to change our opinion and thereby the nature of the problem from bad to good.

"Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.”

A story from Mahabharatham

2011-12-15T09:02:00.004+06:00

I read this story in Thiruvonum's weblog. I wish to share with you as this is interesting

There is story in Mahabharatham, after kurukshetra war Pandavas were reluctant to rule. Sri Krishna says to all five brothers to go to different places and find out some thing different and astonishing. Yudhistar observes an elephant with two trunks. Arjuna observes a bird having Vedas written on its feathers but it was eating a dead man. Bheema observes a cow and a just born calf, mother cow was licking its child even though it was bleeding by its licking. Nakula observes five wells in one place only one had full water and others were empty. Sahadeva observes a big / heavy rock which was rolling from a hill and could not stop even though there were many obstacles like other huge rocks, trees…etc. Even though it was rolling fast, it stopped after encountering a small stone sized thumb.

All of them returned and narrated their story. Sri Krishna given explanation, now the Kali has just started these is future things in Kali

1. Yudhistar observance of Elephant with two trunks: The two trunks denote the politicians in Kali, who say something and do completely opposite to it.

2. Arjuna’s Observance of Bird with Vedas written on it: This denotes the Pandits after learning Veda and shashtras are interested only to fill their tummy and pockets

3. Bheema’s Observance of Cow licking Calf: This denotes the parents in Kali who will protect the children and slowly children will loose their mind development.

4. Nakula’s observance of well denotes the rich people will grow richer and poor will be completely empty.

5. Sahadeva’s observance of rock falling. The big rock denotes the difficulties and small denotes the NAMA SANKIRTANAM. Any big difficulties can be stopped by doing a small nama japa.

There is a price for not asking

2011-12-10T04:55:00.003+06:00

Mrs. Fields lived in Evanston, Illinois.Northwestern was in Evanston, Illinois. She had been a supporter in the past. Why hadn’t she donated the money to Northwestern? Why had she given the money to the University of Chicago instead?

When the University officials called Mrs. Fields to discover why she had given the money to the University of Chicago rather than to them. She replied, “The people of the University of Chicago asked.”You didn’t.”

The answer is yes……. But you have to ask! This would apply even to asking God

There was a time when I wanted a transfer to Delhi as my iwfe's parents and siblings were residing there.I had sent feelers to the Director but had not mentioned my wish whenever I met him.The transfer did not happen.It was some years later when we were travelling alone,I mentioned that he had not acceded to my only request.He replied "How would I know you were interested to come to Delhi unless you had told me?It could have been easily arranged."

I replied "I had sent feelers to you through your staff officer"He said"Why go about indirectly?Your feelers never reached me.Always remember to ask directly."

There are many things which we are shy of asking friends or well wishers and sometimes we assume that they would know our wishes.It is always a good policy to ask directly and accept gracefully whatever the outcome.Children do ask the parents This applies equally well to our prayers to God.It is a good policy to be specific in our request than leaving it to God..That is why we have a sankalp in our Hindu prayers specifically mentioning the wish.Even Christian religion enjoins on devotees to ask with the maxim"“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you."

A friend is a gift you give yourself

2011-12-08T13:57:00.000+06:00

One day, Turgenev, the Russian writer, met a beggar who asked him for alms. " I felt in all my pockets, " he says, " but there was nothing there. The beggar waited, and his outstretched hand twitched and trembled slightly. Embarrassed and confused, I seized his dirty hand and pressed it ‘Do not be angry with me , my brother,’ I said, ‘I have nothing with me’. The beggar raised his bloodshot eyes and smiled, ‘You called me brother.’ he said and that was indeed a gift.’ " -The best of bits and pieces.

Friendship is nothing more than being comfortable with people. It is good to be stimulating and interesting-people would want to be with you and get something from you and your friendship. It is always a good policy to attempt to heal every misunderstanding and try to drain off the grievances,By practicing to liking people until you start liking them genuinely, you retain more friends.This is difficult as some are not lovable But they too have some likeable qualities. Be interested in them, find out their interests,talk about them,remember their names and use them frequently. It is also good to praise by looking for something to praise and avoid criticicsm. Practice believing in people and show them you believe them.

Some may occasionally fail you but it doesn’t matter. In greater number of cases, your trust will kindle a corresponding trust in you. People generally live up to the opinion of others. Practice helping others without any expectations in return. There are many little ways to sustain friendships like being polite in conversations, punctual in appointments and a little consideration in everything. A drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall. So with men, you can win them with words of honey.

How much to trust?

2011-12-07T13:55:00.000+06:00

When a father asks his child who is standing on a book shelf to jump in his arms, it does unhesitatingly. It has a complete trust in his dad and a belief that he will come to no harm .That kind of trust is never possible in this cynical world where we believe that we are vulnerable when we trust someone. But without some trust can the world move on? Do we not walk on the road peacefully trusting that other vehicle users of road follow the rules ? Do we not send young children out to play believing no one will take them away? Can there be love and joy without some basic trust in human goodness?

When we go to a doctor and get some medicines prescribed, we trust his judgment implicitly and take the medicines. Likewise when we buy medicines from chemists, we believe that they are not duplicates or fakes. In our day to day transactions we trust people to a large extent as otherwise life would become unhappy. There may be disappointments on a few occasions no doubt but we should learn to live with it and not distrust everyone. Someone put it ‘You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don’t trust enough.”

Trust is based on the belief that others have confidence in you and your ability and will not take unfair advantage of you. It is the ability to create relationships with others based on mutual respect and caring. Good friends never betray your trust.

Uncongenial atmosphere of hate or lack of love, divorced parents, emotional and physical abuse, broken relationship, death of close relative, chronic illness and low self esteem could all lead to lack of trust and suspicion.Getting over this is not easy without constant practice and motivation from others. I would put a strong faith in God as the first step. This belief that He would take care of your troubles would gradually reduce the mistrust and enable you to ‘let go’ the hurts and disappointments. Mingling and living with positive minded people would provide the healing environment.

Overcoming unwanted fears, developing self esteem in one’s capabilities and building trusting relationships after due care would be the way to go about to get over this malaise.

Eternal hope

2011-12-06T21:34:00.000+06:00

Life without hope would be a painful nightmare. We all live on hopes and dreams that the future would bring for us the things that we cherish most .Every child has bundle of hopes on parents, God and Santa Claus. They believe in what they are told and build hopes. Every young student in schools/colleges is an aspirant for big degrees and good positions. They work for these with lot of hopes. Married people hope for children, businessman for profits, the old and infirm for good health.

Hope is eternal in the hearts of men.Without hope any life would be meaningless. Hope is the greatest motivator to endeavour towards success. Hope brings about a faith in the creator and God’s hand in all things. It gives a healing touch to the troubled minds and hearts.

It therefore behoves on all of us not to crush the legitimate hopes of people around us by insensitive comments and instead help them in whatever manner we can to realize their hopes. It is in the nature of things if one hope does not materialize another one takes over its place. Nothing in this world is hopeless.

Begin at the periphery

2011-12-06T11:09:00.000+06:00

I read this story narrated by Sudhamahi Regunathan and wish to share for the great message it has.

The story is about Chanakya."Touring the countryside in disguise, he halted in a small village.An old woman offered him a meal.Chanakya was ravenous and so accepted the invitation.He was served steaming hot rice.Chanakya delved into the centre of the rice in his plate, which resulted in his burning his fingers..

"Oh dear!" exclaimed the old woman."You are indeed like our stupid minister Chanakya". Chanakya was taken aback.The old lady explained: "Never begin at the centre of the problem.Chanakya plans his attacks on the capital city and loses.He should begin at the periphery and slowly make towards the centre."

Chanakya had learnt a new technique for success.The beginning is always small and at the periphery.But it will unfailingly and eventually lead to the centre,one day

Treating all equally

2011-08-29T18:24:00.000+06:00

I was in a wedding reception. It was crowded with a stream of invitees coming in and going out. For want of nothing else, I started observing the people who entered the hall. Some lingered at the entrance for a while till they noticed someone important known to them and then gravitated towards them. They dismissed other lesser guys who greeted them with an insouciant smile devoid of recognition. A few who could not find any one known face settled in a comfortable seat waiting for their turn to felicitate the young couple. There was always an effort by everyone to look for friends or relatives who were distinguished with better position or wealth than them in the jostling crowd. Why this craving to be seen in better company?

It was then I observed, whenever a well known or famous man or woman amongst the circle entered the hall , a pronounced tendency amongst the crowd to crane their necks with a view to watch the celebrity and if possible to catch their eyes. A few who were chatting with me left their seats abruptly and went near one film guy who was entering the hall with a fawning crowd around him. This set me thinking why people attach importance to the fame or position of others and show a desire to be seen with them or exchange a greeting with them. A corporate honcho or a former top level bureaucrat or a filmy person or a sports star invariably attracts a crowd like the treacle does with ants.

In offices one must have noticed the extra efforts made to catch the eye of a senior official in a group or the undue high deference shown while talking to boss. Seeking favour by servile flattery or cringing behavior is commonly seen and encouraged by bosses But such a subservient attitude or undivided attention or respect is not shown by the same people to someone who is in lower position. There is certain casualness and high airs shown in the conversation with the subordinate. There is a tendency to give undue importance to titles, designations or positions in society or wealth as if people beneath such distinguishing marks do not deserve the respect or attention. We owe nothing to the men in higher positions in office except doing our job well and on time. We do not need to be obsequious or sycophantic. We need to be uniform in our attitude to all irrespective of position or power

The reason for this ingratiating and often flattering disposition could be an expectation that some good may come at a later date or the satisfaction to be in the good books of people better placed. The true test of one’s character is seen from the way he treats people placed in lesser circumstances. The respect and attention given, the seriousness invested in the responses and the sincerity in the conversation with them distinguishes the noble from the upstarts..

Where my mom failed

2011-08-05T19:33:00.000+06:00

My mom though she had many children, both daughters and sons, slogged in the kitchen all day long, did lot of household chores by herself. She never distributed the work amongst the children at least such of those that can easily be done by them. As a result she missed out spending her time on her favourite pastimes. Likewise I had a boss who would insist on seeing all the files never delegating to his junior or middle level officers. He was an overworked man and constantly struggling hard to keep the deadlines. The motivations though were different as in the case of mom due to her affection for her children and in the case of boss due to some mistrust and a feeling that he alone was infallible. In either case non-delegation was not a desirable trait.

Delegation is not a matter of choice. It is an obligation and a responsibility that you owe to yourself and to others who are along with you be they the family members or colleagues in the office. It is also necessary for the good of the company you work for. As the family or work place expands with lot of responsibilities, one cannot do all by himself/herself with finite hours in a day. Many people do not like to lose control. To be successful, one has to employ the strategy of delegation. This will give a sense of participation and belonging to all besides motivating people to learn more. Productivity improves in the office. Home looks cleaner and better maintained. Things happen on time and well. The leader or the mom gets more time to plan and organize themselves better and devote time and energy to more important areas that need their attention

In my home each sister thought someone would dry the clothes in the clotheline, someone would wash the dishes and someone would set the dinner table. My mom had not assigned specific jobs to each of my sisters. As a result none did. The hallmark of a good delegation is clarity of the task, assignment to specific persons, fixing the time within which to be done and keeping direct communication. This applies to home or office equally well.

Theodore Roosevelt says “The best executive is the one who has sense enough to pick good men to do what he wants done, and self-restraint enough to keep from meddling with them while they do it.” Andrew Carnegie put it differently when he said that “No person will make a great business who wants to do it all himself or get all the credit.”I would say my mom would have been a happier and more relaxed person had she known what things she had to do personally and how to get the other things done by her children instead of doing them all by herself.

Interruption the bane of conversation

2011-07-25T03:04:00.000+06:00

My daughter was discussing with me one day some matter of importance when her son of seven years interrupted her calling “Mom, mom, listen to me.” She did not pay attention to him and continued talking to me. His interruptions became persistent and louder. She lost her cool and shouted at him angrily “How many times have I told you not to interrupt me when I am talking to someone and that it is bad manners to butt in without saying excuse me.? Have I not told you to wait for some time and talk when there is a pause unless the matter was extremely urgent?” When I counseled her patience citing the boy is young, she said that he is not correcting himself despite her repeated admonitions. He exhibits impatience if his interruption is not acknowledged immediately

It was then I thought to myself how many of us, grown up individuals, interrupt others in the middle even as they are talking. Many of us not only break into the conversation of two people like a bull in china shop but also interrupt the other person with whom we are conversing in the middle of his talk. We do not have the patience to allow the other person to complete his say and instead we finish his sentences. The moment we hear the first two sentences, we think we know the drift and assume ourselves what he/she wished to say and proceed to give our(mostly) rebuttals or our views. We would have even thought out our sentences even while the other person was speaking paying little attention to what was being said.

Conversation, we fail to realize, is a two way street. It is not a race to determine who speaks the most. Interrupting a person who is speaking is bad decorum. It is the characteristic of only very young children to keep talking without anyone listening. They keep talking simultaneously or by turns with no real conversation taking place. Talking is easier than listening. Listening calls for some effort.

I have seen in innumerable conferences people giving scant attention to the speaker(s) but keep writing notes on what they wished to say when their turn comes. Some keep rising to ask questions without allowing the speaker to conclude. How can they understand or answer the points spoken by the other speakers if they do not hear fully but engage themselves in other pursuits like making notes, whispering to the adjacent person, yawning or sleeping. These are much worse than interrupting as they indicate to the speaker that he is not wanted. They are also apt to miss the important observations made and may also lose the opportunity to contest the points if wrongly made when their turn comes. Most importantly they learn nothing new. When they speak, very often they talk upon the points already covered.

There are many dimensions to listening skill. We have only examined the interruption aspect of it. This listening skill is very essential for succeeding in life and for making ourselves acceptable in social and business circles. To put it in another way, paying undivided attention to what is being said and understanding the message conveyed fully is a vital component of good conversation or interaction. Mark Twain put it with his inimitable sarcasm that “There is nothing so annoying as to have two people talking when you're busy interrupting. “

Is life fair?

2011-07-23T19:54:00.000+06:00

When two kids born of same parents and brought up in the same surroundings with identical facilities and comforts, one turns out to be very intelligent while the other tends to be a dud or one is born healthy and the other a victim of host of ailments. Why life is not fair to everyone, is a question that comes up in everyone’s mind when besieged by problems. Superficially it would appear life is certainly unfair. No two are dealt with in similar fashion with outcomes being different for the same efforts.
But we have the false belief that life should be fair to all with no discrimination as we are all children of God who is believed to be impartial and kind. We start questioning God’s ways when things do not go well for us or for those dear to us. If we accept the premise that life cannot be fair, we would stop pitying ourselves and sincerely work for betterment. We would no more compare with others or even worry for others who suffer. Instead we may commiserate with them and help them where we can. Once we realize that it is not the purpose of life to be fair or perfect, we get a new perception of life and strength of mind to face situations as they come instead of wallowing in self pity.
But the entire insight into the issue of fairness would undergo a total transformation if we look at things through the prism of karma theory. “My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand”-Thich Nhat Hanh. All actions good or bad have outcomes in the present life or succeeding lives. Christianity puts the same idea succinctly in the words “As you sow, so you reap.”Our past actions follow us like shadow and cannot be shirked away. The luxury and wealth that wicked men enjoy is the outcome of unliquidated good deeds in the previous births while the untold suffering that good men undergo is the result of past bad karma. Many may have doubts about karma theory but then how do you explain if God were all merciful, impartial and compassionate, why one baby is born blind or with ailments while the other one in the same family healthy. The pieces would fall in place if we accept the karma theory. So if life is not fair for us at any time in the present life, take comfort in the thought that we are discharging the debt of bad karma.
“Belief in karma ought to make the life pure, strong, serene, and glad. Only our own deeds can hinder us; only our own will can fetter us. Once let men recognize this truth, and the hour of their liberation has struck. Nature cannot enslave the soul that by wisdom has gained power and uses both in love.”-Annie Besant

There is a price for not asking

2011-07-07T23:16:00.000+06:00

I read this in a book The Alladin factor by Jack Canfield & Mark Victor Hansen

A number of years back the University of Chicago received a million dollar grant from Mrs. Fields of the Marshall Fields Department Store fame and fortune. When the administration at Northwestern University read the headline in the newspaper, the people of Northwestern were shocked, How could this be?

Mrs. Fields lived in Evanston, Illinois.Northwestern was in Evanston, Illinois. She had been a supporter in the past. Why hadn’t she donated the money to Northwestern? Why had she given the money to the University of Chicago instead?

When the University officials called Mrs. Fields to discover why she had given the money to the University of Chicago rather than to them. She replied, “The people of the University of Chicago asked.”You didn’t.”

The answer is yes……. But you have to ask! This would apply even to asking God

Being trustworthy

2011-07-04T22:22:00.000+06:00

I know a person, let us call her Nirmala, who would be very nice when talking to you. She will listen with rapt attention to all that you say and make sympathetic interjections to goad you reveal more. She would appear very friendly and give the impression that she is trustworthy. You would have poured your heart out to her telling all the things that you would have normally kept to yourself but for her responsive demeanour.Nirmala is however the worst gossip. She would rush to tell others one by one not just what she heard from you but embroider it with half truths and utter lies. You would be shocked when you hear people talking in hushed tones about your personal matters. Once bitten, you would be doubly shy of talking to her. You will avoid her like a plague like so many others whom she befriended earler.But she would go for new quarries. She never realised that she lost many good friends and was detested by all who knew her. Yet she was not able to change herself. She did nothing to earn the trust of the people by discarding this bad habit of gossiping.

The point that I am trying to convey is that each one of us is tempted, not like Nirmala always, but to tell others sometimes what has been told us in confidence. There is a false satisfaction in showing off that we know a little more than what the other person knows. The intention may not be to harm but nevertheless the act of betraying the confidence is bad. By such foolish acts we create an image of us to others with whom we mix that would do us little credit. In turn others would be cautious when they speak to us. It is in us to control the way others respond to us by conducting ourselves." To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved" is a maxim worth remembering.Trust once broken is never set right.Not to be believed by a friend is far greater loss than in losing him.

This does not mean you have to be secretive about everything and decline to part with even innocuous information.Trust means not divulging what has been told you in strict confidence. “A true friend never breaches the trust of his companion or stabs in his back. He is trustworthy and reliable. One should therefore always try to be a true and reliable friend”

Begin at the periphery

2011-07-01T03:20:00.000+06:00

I read this story narrated by Sudhamahi Regunathan and wish to share for the great message it has.
The story is about Chanakya."Touring the countryside in disguise, he halted in a small village.An old woman offered him a meal.Chanakya was ravenous and so accepted the invitation.He was served steaming hot rice.Chanakya delved into the centre of the rice in his plate, which resulted in his burning his fingers.
."Oh dear!" exclaimed the old woman."You are indeed like our stupid minister Chanakya".
Chanakya was taken aback.The old lady explained: "Never begin at the centre of the problem.Chanakya plans his attacks on the capital city and loses.He should begin at the periphery and slowly make towards the centre.".
Chanakya had learnt a new technique for success.The beginning is always small and at the periphery.But it will unfailingly lead to the centre,one day.

Moral measurement

2011-06-28T23:26:00.000+06:00

When I was young, my mom used to make us kids stand against a wall, place a scale horizontally on our heads, mark in a pencil the height we measured and wrote the date and the initials. This was done generally in one of the rear side rooms where guests never entered. This exercise would be repeated two or three times a year and comparisons made. When the height did not show the desired improvement she used to give Incremin, a child’s health supplement that had a giraffe’s picture in the belief that it would increase our heights. She would insist on our playing with skipping ropes and swing from roman rings. It is a different matter whether these helped in our growing taller or not but gave her the satisfaction that she did her best to beat the genes of a one grandfather who was short.
It is again a moot point whether height is desirable over shortness. Did the Lilliputians suffer more than Brobdingnagians by virtue of their short height, I am not aware of. Many short men have attained preeminence that the heights alone did not confer on the tall men. .Chengis khan, Napoleon, Pablo Picasso, Lenin, Tom Cruise and our own Jawaharlal Nehru or Lalbahadur Sastri are a few short and famous men whom success did not elude.. Be that as it may short men often invite negative remarks, denied leading roles and not generally considered in certain professions like army, police.
I am digressing. The purpose of my article is not on this measurement. Why is it we tend to measure ourselves only on the heights but not our growth in some vital parameters like love, patience, calmness, compassion, contentment, loyalty, truth and values? Do we grow on these as we age or keep moving up and down or never grow at all in any or all of the parameters? Is there not a need for elders or mentors to measure us against such a wall of moral growth once a while? This exercise is one that we should take voluntarily and have health supplements to feed the mind as we do to the body like attending courses on personality development, Vipasana, meditation courses and even sat sanghs.The purpose is not to indulge in self criticism but to lift ourselves from the negative traits. There are some traits that have eternal value and cannot be allowed to be lost sight of. Just as we clean the garden of the weeds to allow the flower plants to grow and our homes of the clutter to retain only the good, we should undertake such a moral measurement for cleansing at regular intervals.

What brings happiness?

2011-06-25T06:56:00.000+06:00

What is happiness? Can anyone define it? Does it mean different things to different people? Why are we after education, a degree in engineering or medicine, a good job, a charming and good wife, nice children, perfect health and many more? Because we believe that these would give us happiness. What all we do is ultimately for acquiring happiness. We will not do anything that brings unhappiness unless it is a means to final happiness. A garbage cleaner though does an unpleasant job hopes he will get happiness through the income he earns very much like the industrialist manufacturing goods for increasing the wealth of the company and through it the happiness. The objective is the same

What makes one happy need not necessarily make another happy. It varies. While fame and name makes someone happy, obscurity makes one spiritually inclined more satisfied. It means different things to different people. It is difficult to have a uniform definition of what makes one happy or have a device to measure happiness. Happiness is subjective, a state of mind and never the same at all times. A cup of hot coffee on a wintry day gives more happiness than the same cup on a hot and sultry day. Even on identical conditions the outcome may be different at different times.

Sometimes the choices that we make thinking it would bring happiness may not really fetch it. Like changing jobs with more income or shifting to a bigger home in a newer location or making new friends-these do not guarantee happiness and may even result in a desire to revert to old situations. Even making more money does not make one happy as money beyond a threshold point has diminishing returns. The comfort level that money can buy stops at some stage. But if you give away the wealth for bringing comfort to larger number of people, earning more gives happiness. It is really not the money that gives happiness but what we do with it. Likewise it is not the job we do that matters but how it makes others better and through it brings greater mental satisfaction. The bottom line for sustained happiness beyond the initial satisfaction is what we do for others for the larger good, even for our family, than what we do for ourselves.

We cannot also measure happiness. It is varying from time to time, individual to individual, place to place and so on. “Joy has nothing to do with material things, or with man's outward circumstance...A man living in the lap of luxury can be wretched, and a man in the depths of poverty can overflow with joy.” It is for each individual to identify what brings happiness to oneself without causing unhappiness to others and pursue the same. But one thing can be said with reasonable certainty. Happiness is contagious. If we mix with happy people, our mind also gets directed to ways of deriving happiness. Negative people bring misery. Happy people do better in their work, more welcome any where, more law abiding and are better members of family and society than the sulking ones. Happy people generally have worthy goals that make others happy.

Be slow in promise

2011-06-22T23:32:00.000+06:00

I have always had the habit of making promises to get over piquant situations or to please the others at the current moment or pep up the conversations like “will call you in a day, will drop in at your place before weekend, will explore the net for the link you wanted or will have tea at your place tomorrow.” I will forget it is a promise made as far as the other person is concerned even though I was not certain of keeping them up when I made them. I had the intention of doing them if possible but was never a commitment. Still when I make such promises I do not indicate that it is merely a wish but allow it to be misconstrued as a promise.
My wife would ask me to post a letter to her mom in the postbox en route to my office saying it is urgent and I would promise that I would do. But I would forget when in the car talking on mobile to a colleague and realize my lapse only in the evening when she sees the letter in my shirt pocket. I would see the hurt in her eyes and promise to do that first thing in the morning. But she would not give the letter to me again. We are generally quick in making small promises but lack the determination to keep them. No doubt, they are no big contracts or deals entered into in formal written documents with legal consequences for failure. They may be casual in nature but nevertheless a promise. When we do not keep such promises they would lose trust in our words and not take us seriously when we make such statements. Our trustworthiness would have taken a dip in their estimation of us.
It is not always possible to keep promises made for a variety of extraneous reasons or circumstances beyond control. In many cases we tend to forget. But these failures to keep the words should be few and far between. The best course would be not to make any promise unless we are doubly sure of performing it. As Abe Lincoln put it “We must not promise what we ought not, lest we be called on to perform what we cannot.” Be slow in making promises as you will tend to keep them better. The one spin off would be your relationships with others would become rich in quality and people would perceive you a man of word and not a politician on an election rostrum. Your children would unconsciously learn the virtue of keeping the word and action conform to each other.

Blame game

2011-06-15T23:59:00.000+06:00

When I was a young chit, I used to stand by my sister in the kitchen and be talking to her while she cooked the dinner. When something got burnt or when she hurt her fingers, she would invariably give a knock on my head. When asked why she did so, she would reply that I was responsible for the over burnt food or her hurt. She would never accept that she was careless when cooking but preferred to blame me however remotely I was connected to the incident. This is a universal trait to look for reasons for one’s failure elsewhere than on oneself entrenched firmly on the belief that ’when in doubt, it must be someone else’s fault’

You must be witnessing often this mindset in our day to day lives. When I do not find my spectacles, I scream ‘who has touched my glasses and meddled with my things’ forgetting no one needs my glasses and that I alone had misplaced them. When our child fares poorly in the school, we blame the teachers that they do not teach properly or when we miss the bus by getting up late we find the blame on our wives for not making the breakfast ready on time. When boss pulls up for shoddy work, we conveniently put the blame on colleagues or other departments. When there is bomb blast in a crowded area or mass killing, our initial reaction is to blame the unknown terrorists or a neighboring country .When prices of food grains rise, erratic monsoons come to our rescue for taking the blame and if the inflation goes spiraling up we have the international oil price as an excuse. It is always someone else or some other country or some other source except us. They act as convenient pegs to hang all our problems. It is not only for failures that we accuse others but even for our moods like anger, unhappiness, dejection and frustration. We blame the stars or our past karma or fate, never conceding that we are what we are by our own actions and thoughts. People blame the vastu if things do not happen as expected. “It is no use to blame the looking glass if your face is awry”

Blaming others create a make believe situation and helps in deceiving ourselves.Whenever things do not go alright,the right course would be to turn the search light on us and find ways to improve our deficiencies. We should be more careful while cooking, get up early so as not to miss the bus, coach the kids if they fare poorly and look for local bad elements if there is violence. When you accept responsibility for the things, you get a different perspective and the power to set right things. So is with the rulers of the country to look for their deficiencies instead of finding scapegoats. “Not taking responsibility may be less demanding, less painful and mean less time spent in the unknown. It’s more comfortable. You can just take it easy and blame problems in your life on someone else. But there is always a price to pay. When you don’t take responsibility for your life you give away your personal power. Plus more…"

Life would be a great fun if we eschew victim mentality and learn to accept responsibility with self esteem for our own life and actions

Conscience-our compass for ethical journey

2011-05-16T01:22:00.001+06:00

When I was a young I happened to travel in local bus with a neighbor and her son of seven years. The conductor asked her the boy’s age and she said five to avoid buying the ticket. The boy blurted out and said ‘Mummy, I am seven”. She pressed hard the boy’s shoulders down and said to conductor that he was only five. The boy kept quiet but learnt that it is alright to lie sometimes to save some money. The seeds of dishonesty were planted in the young mind unwittingly by his mom. Thereafter I am sure he would have replied with a hurry to the conductor that he was five. All of us have a conscience which is influenced from what we learn from our parents, siblings, friends, teachers, elders in the family and society at large. It is from these interactions that we learn to build our values of what is right and what is not.

When I was 10 or 11, I went with my friend to a small library situated near my house. It was built on donation of old books. It was open in the evenings for a few hours. Someone on honorary capacity came to open the library and then attend to his personal work if any in the bazaar where it was situated. There will not be many members as the stock was not replenished except for a few dailies and magazines. When my friend took me there were none in the library. The racks were all stacked with old books that were donated. My friend asked me to take any book that I wanted. I was attracted to a thick brown book with golden letters of Walter Scott’s poems. I took it. He said that we need not make any entry as we were not members and can return the book anytime if we wished to. The book was so old that pages crumbled if folded. When my dad saw that evening the book on my table, he was initially surprised at my choice and asked me who gave the book. When I told him it was from the nearby library, whose existence he was not aware of, he asked me whether I was a member and who issued the book. Under persistent questioning, I told him what had happened. He said I was a plain thief and that I should go and return the book the first thing next day and seek forgiveness from the librarian. He skipped his dinner that evening giving some excuse but I knew inwardly that it was a punishment he inflicted on himself for my wrong act. I returned the book at the library and it so happened that librarian was not present. But it was one hard lesson that I learnt that evening and the distress in my dad’s face is still fresh before me even after several decades. He didn’t speak to me for two days but relented only after much promises of proper behavior.

If the family or the society tolerates aberrations from ethical behavior, people tend to condone them or take a lighter view of the deviations. Manipulative accounting to save taxes both at individual and corporate levels is practiced without remorse though some of which is legal but unethical. I have heard from HR persons that most of the resumes are exaggerated documents on candidates’ skills or achievements bearing slender resemblance to reality Even in sports players take advantage of wrong rulings given by umpires though they knew they were at fault. Hardly a few cricketers choose to walk out without waiting for the umpires signal. The cloak of legality shrouds the unethical actions of the rulers in many of their transactions. We rationalize that what is legal is permissible though it is unethical. But inside everyman’s conscience, there is a compass showing what is right and what is not. The antenna inside our heart always warns us of the impropriety of our talk or actions but we choose to ignore for expedient reasons. It is here the underpinnings of family values that guide the children to be away from the wrong path. Conscience is man’s compass showing him the correct way and it is built at the homes in young ages

“Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good” It is a small voice that is too loud for our comfort and yet people choose to ignore it. That everybody does so is a lame excuse and never acceptable. Bending the rules or short circuiting procedures however tempting to achieve results cannot be condoned if they do not pass the ethical litmus test. History is replete with instances where wrong doers finally suffered ignominy and shame.

Empty vessels make much noise

2011-05-11T02:59:00.000+06:00

I have always found during my official career that persons who speak softly commanded greater respect than the loud ones. Perhaps the soft manner gives an impression of wisdom, conviction and seriousness unless proved contrary by the words spoken. Even in discussions during meetings, people who normally speak softly raise their voices when an opposite view point is expressed as if loudness of tone would impart greater validity or strength to their views. This in turn is met with louder outbursts reducing the meeting often to Babel of voices. We are witness almost daily to such undesirable trait in the several panel discussions or debates taking place in TV. On the other hand if the voice is kept low and not loud, it will generally create a soothing and conducive climate with others also following suit. The discussions would then be meaningful and participative and everyone would turn to be attentive. If you watch TV carefully you will see really successful and great people speak slowly and softly carrying their points across effectively while loud people who rush their words exhibit lack of confidence.

Although one’s voice is determined at the time of birth, I think a soft voice can be developed with some effort and practice. A loud voice sticks out like a sore thumb in a crowd. Generally a loud voice is associated with boorish nature, anger, dissatisfaction or being upset or agitated. A loud man is some what akin to a bull in china shop. A streak of aggressive behavior, impatience or dominating nature is associated with such persons unless accompanied by a big twinkle in the eyes. This large smile does not come by easily to all. As a result their listeners tend to become wary or equally agitated and invariably defensive. They will not open up resulting in many contracts for selling or buying falling through not because the offers were unattractive but because the mode of speaking put off the parties.

When you overreact to a given situation, become emotional and tend to increase the volume of your speech unconsciously, it is better to imagine a person whom you hold in high esteem and whom you wish to impress is watching the proceedings. Just imagine your mentor is by your side or you are in a place where soft music is played or in a restaurant with candle lights. This will immediately tame your voice and change your perception of the matter being discussed. We have a desire to be seen as reasonable, fair and considerate. This exercise of imagining, someone whom we venerate is present in the place or being in a place like hospital or library where silence is desirable, would have a calming and restraining influence. This is akin to two young siblings always quarreling behaving well at the dining table in the presence of dad. Gradually speaking softly would become a second nature.

Count the blessings

2011-05-08T19:16:00.000+06:00

When my friend told me that his doctor had proscribed salt and sugar for him due to his medical condition and that he was compelled to eat bland and tasteless food day in and day out, I felt inwardly grateful that I could have my food tastily with no such restrictions. When a close relative of mine is afflicted with Alzheimer and I found she can hardly converse meaningfully, I felt blessed that I can remember events and people. When I saw my neighbor walking with a walker even within the house, I thanked the Lord for the long walks that I have daily in the park watching the bright coloured flowers and happy children playing around. But I am grateful to Him only when I see such people struggling in their lives and that too for a while only. Otherwise I relapse into my habit of taking for granted the various small blessings without a thought they make much difference to the quality of my life.
It is a common failing in many of us that only when we hear bad news or see the sufferings that others undergo like the ones I detailed above that we realize that we took many things for granted. We do not give a second thought about the salt, sugar or water intake and assume they are insignificant till they become very important and hard to give up. Why not appreciate the many small things that we enjoy and be thankful to God even before we hear such bad news or ourselves compelled to forego when we fall sick. The ability to laugh, the beauty given to us, the wonderful family that we are born into, the good friends that we have got, the good health that we have and the nice job we have are all blessings that we should be constantly aware of, nurture them as gifts of God and be eternally grateful to Him in our prayers. We should learn to enjoy them even in their abundance till they are taken away if at all. Life is short with many surprises and imponderables. What is given today may not be there the next day. The awareness of impermanence of everything would bestow the right attitude to be thankful even for small things and appreciate them in full measure. Such an attitude if ingrained in us would make us live our lives humbly but with great joy in whatever position we are placed.

We set the example to children

2011-05-06T21:50:00.000+06:00

We are constantly watched by our children overtly or covertly. They learn from their experiences, the conversations with us and in the house with others and our own reactions to different situations. Parents are the cynosures of their eyes, their role models and objects of admiration and learning. It casts upon us therefore to mind the kind of examples we set and the hidden messages we send.
Look at this case of a nine year old boy proudly showing a fountain pen to his dad
“Dad, I found this the corridor outside my class”
“Hey, it is a nice pen. What make is it?” the father asks
“Dad, it is Parker”
“You have been wanting one and how lucky you are to get it. So are you happy” the father tells
The boy runs along happy that his daddy is also glad that he got a pen and that he retained it with him. The lesson learnt is that it is acceptable to keep things that are not yours as long as you have not pilfered them. The dad failed to impress on the young mind that it is not good to keep what is not his and that should have handed itover at the school office. As a result the child starts coveting things that are not his.
Another common failing of dads is to tell the child to answer an inconvenient phone call and tell daddy is not at home. The man unwittingly teaches the child it is okay to give wrong information or utter a lie in certain circumstances.
The point to remember is that we should be aware of the power of hidden messages that we send to our children our actions or responses and the need for them to be consistent with the values we would like to impart them. An occasional aberration may not harm as much as regular frequent wrong examples that we set. With a little care and attention, the parents can set examples that are positive, ethical and humane. Home is the primary school from which children learn and parents are the teachers there. The mental well being of the children is being determined by the value system prevailing at homes.

Praying with shopping list of demands

2011-05-04T01:27:00.000+06:00

I was wondering whether a prayer can be devoid of our asking for things. But most do prayer only for requesting money, health, spouse, child, position, hardship for enemies, winning etc.When we commiserate with others who undergo pain or hardship, we advise them pray to God and He will give you this and that. We regard God as Santa Claus with bagful of goodies to be given when asked. Like children we persist more intensely if our requests are not granted. The prayer then tends to be one of supplication and appealing.
We may do the prayer silently chanting the name of god in our minds or loudly with gestures like folded arms or jumping and dancing with up raised arms. We may do singly or in groups but at the end of exercise, we come up with our shopping list of demands. Some ask God for things promising to break 100 coconuts or offer gold or money if their wishes are granted. I have even seen my grandson praying for a win of his favourite team in IPL matches and granddaughter wishing the opposite result. Is god really interested in these silly demands? When He does not grant after repeated prayers, we indulge in our remonstrations that He is blind to our sufferings or deaf to our pleas or heartless to our pitiable condition.
Why do we pray? Is asking for things the only reason for our prayers? Can there be a self less prayer? Is a prayer for the well being of children, friends, and members of the community or country any different from one seeking things? There may be nothing wrong in it and certainly is better than asking for oneself. But does not God know what is to be given when, where and to whom? Is he not omniscient and does he needs to be reminded?
My own take on this is that God answers our prayers if they fit with His scheme of things. Otherwise they remain unanswered. If that be so why do our religions and scriptures require us to pray and what are we supposed to ask for in our prayers? To my mind our prayers should be one of adoration of His many divine qualities and expression of gratefulness for the blessings given. There should be no demand even for liberation from the cycle of births and deaths. He knows when to free you from this bondage. Real prayer is communicating with god by singing His praises and leading a virtuous life according to His teachings. Work is worship. Doing the assigned jobs sincerely and well and leading an ethical life is highest form of worship. Prayer is nothing more than leading our life being aware of His presence all the time in all the things we do in our day to day life and being in communion with him

Grow flowers of gratitude in the soil of prayer. ~Terri Guillemets

Learn to cultivate your own garden

2011-04-28T18:36:00.000+06:00

There is a common failing in most of us trying to influence others to believe in what we believe and in making them do things the way we do. We do this more often unsolicited though with genuine intention that others should profit by our experience or knowledge. We wish them to walk on our treaded path and always remain in the comfort zone. While we do this we do not entertain the slightest doubt that we are encroaching upon others domain

The other day when I was at my friend’s place I saw his grandson, a school topper, wanting to do a course in economics and pursue further in a prestigious school of economics eventually for a doctorate. An uncle of the boy was chastising him for not opting for an engineering degree in ECE and an MBA thereafter as most do for absorption in a big IT company or MNC.The boy was adamant saying he had no aptitude for those lines. The uncle never realized that he was imposing his views on what he thought was right on the young boy. The usual mistake of imposing parental ambitions on the young children would only crush their dreams as seen in the film 3 idiots

If my granddaughter liked to order pasta or veggie burger why should I insist her on eating onion rava dosa that I prefer? When my niece’s son wanted to learn saxophone, she felt learning violin was a better choice. The boy learnt neither unwilling to learn violin and forgoing saxophone to respect his mom’s wishes. We forget one man’s meat is another man’s poison and that there cannot be a dull uniformity. If I want to invest in stocks and shares instead of investing in Post Office deposits that is my choice and my friend need not discourage me detailing tales of investors who lost their money on stock market. The beaten tracks, that people who play safe take, may be crowded but it is the lonely boulevard chosen by a few that dared to dream can produce Warren Buffets, Dhirubai Ambanis or their ilk

If we carefully start watching our conversations with others we can catch ourselves telling others how they should do things or be living. The temptation to offer our views unasked is overwhelming. Let us curb this desire and be content to grow our own garden. Whether the neighbor plants bougainvilleas or just plain cabbages is his wish and should not concern us.

For effective public speaking

2011-04-22T03:45:00.000+06:00

I still remember the day when I offered on an impulse to speak for the first time at a function organized to bid farewell to a Professor from France as none of my classmates came forward to speak. I had mentally prepared a short speech of half a dozen sentences. After the speech by the Head of the department, it was my turn to speak. There were about 20 persons as audience most of them classmates.

I started with the usual salutation and said “I stand before you with mixed emotions. While I am sad that Prof…….. is leaving us” I stopped for a second to look at my friends before me. I could see them glum and I suspected they were not impressed.. Suddenly my mind went blank. I could not utter one word. My palms became sweaty, the heart pumped at feverish pace, the throat became parched and the tongue dry. When I repeated after an embarrassing silence of what looked eternity that I was sad, the French professor who understood my predicament patted me on my shoulders and said “I understand Partha, you are choked with emotion. There is no need to be sad. I am happily going back to my country. Thank you very much. Please be seated “There was a gentle murmur of suppressed laughter from the audience..I felt ashamed at my failure to speak even a few sentences that I had mentally prepared. I knew it was the fear of failure that made me fail that day.

Within a week I joined public speaking clubs like Toast Masters club where we were required to speak extempore on any subject at short notice. While I could conquer the stage fear over a period I found that to be an effective speaker and to articulate your thoughts in an inspiring way, one needs a little more than mere fearlessness. As a lecturer in a college, I found I could speak fluently continuously for an hour without any discomfort or pause. It was because I knew my subject well and was well prepared. It is essential therefore that one must have a very good knowledge of the subject to make an impressive speech. The speech should be structured and revolve under a predetermined few major points you wish to convey.

“There are always three speeches for everyone you actually gave. The one you practiced, the one you gave and the one you wish you gave“- Dale Carnegie. The gap between the three can be abridged only by assiduous practice. There are no shortcuts to mastering the art of public speaking except by practice. An interesting beginning with a good anecdote, speaking slowly in an audible voice to reach the farthest person, good pronunciation, avoiding uncommon and bombastic words, lacing the speech with gentle humour with appropriate modulations in voice make one a popular speaker and much sought after. The ability to keep the audience in splits does not come by easily to all but can be cultivated by practice and preparation. Good speakers are generally a greater success in career than the silent ones. It is good to remember what Mark Twain humorously put "It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech."To put it differently, never undertake to speak in public unless well prepared
“

Judge not

2011-04-20T08:29:00.000+06:00

I read this poem in a magazine in a hospital lounge.
I liked this and wished to share with you all

Judge not
I was shocked, confused, bewildered
As I entered Heaven’s door,
Not by the beauty of it all
Nor the lights or its décor.
But it was the folks in Heaven
Who made me splutter and gasp—
The thieves, the liars, the sinners,
The alcoholics and the trash.

There stood the kid from seventh grade
Who swiped my lunch money twice.
Next to him was my neighbor
Who never said anything nice.
But, who I always thought
Was rotting away in hell,
Was sitting pretty on cloud nine,
Looking incredibly well.

I nudged Jesus, ‘What’s the deal?
I would love to hear Your take.
How’d all these sinners get up here?
God must’ve made a mistake.”
And why is everyone so quiet,
So somber-give me a clue’

‘Hush, child,’ He said
‘they‘re all in shock.
No one thought they’d be seeing you.’

JUDGE NOT!!
Remember-Just going to church doesn’t
make you a Christian any more
than standing in your garage makes you a
car. Every SAINT has a PAST…..
Every sinner has a FUTURE! Life without
God is like an unsharpened
pencil.It has no point

Do you have family time?

2011-04-19T00:20:00.000+06:00

“You may have tangible wealth untold Caskets of jewels and coffers of gold. Richer than I you can never be- I had a mother who read to me.”

When I read this verse by Strickland Gillian my thoughts went to my younger days when the parents spent lot of time with children. Except when we studied our lessons and went out for play, we were always with our parents talking to them, helping them in their chores when asked for, eating together our dinner, listening to stories or even prayer on special occasions. The evening times were spent on word building, scrabble, quiz programmes, singing or question answers on general knowledge. It was great fun and educative with the evenings much looked forward to with eagerness. There was a close bond in the family between parents and children and among the siblings.

Due to big changes in the social ways and for economic reasons when both parents work, the time spent with children has come down drastically. The programmes in the TV or the browsing in the net occupied in facebook, games and chatting with friends or engaged with cell phones keep the members away from each other. The practice of supping together has been the first casuality.Even within the home the members are scattered and hardly spend time together in the living room. Many kids hardly see their parents together.

To build a strong and unified family, it is essential there is daily communication thro meaningful conversations between parents and children and amongst themselves. The language employed in the conversations, the manners observed and the values imparted go to make the children into good citizens. What they learn during child hood determines what they would be later in lives.

" If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn,

If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty

.If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence,

If children live with praise, they learn appreciation."

The beneficial impact of spending one or two hours daily with the children would be immeasurable. Parents must make time for the role as parents they play in their lives to avoid disappointments and frustrations at a later stage in life. Home is where we build one another. Spending time with children daily is a bounden duty towards their children.

We often need to be told

2011-04-15T22:27:00.000+06:00

When I was young we were neighbours to a large family of six daughters and three sons. They were all different in their attitude and mental makeup though outwardly they resembled each other. It may look strange as they all had the same parents and lived in the same surroundings exposed to same influences. Yet each one of them was different in some detail or the other in their traits.

Those were the days when there were no convenient gadgets as we have today like gas stove, washing machine, mixie, grinder, mobile or dishwasher. Everything had to be done manually. There was no overhead tank and water can be obtained only by pumping. The lady of the house used to slog in the kitchen from early morning to the time they retired to bed. I have heard my mom telling me that although the daughters were affectionate to their mom they, save two girls, needed to be told daily what is expected of them. The main job of sweeping, swiping washing clothes were done by a maid There were plenty of other odd jobs like bringing the clothes from the clothesline, folding and sorting, serving food and cleaning the place, giving respite to their mom by preparing coffee and so on. When those two girls were available, things were done without fuss. If they were away on some work the other girls always waited for someone else to do the odd jobs unless specifically asked. The lady of the house could not assign the jobs on regular basis to the girls as they were available at different times on different days and as a result she was found doing many things.

My mom used to tell how nice and heartening it would be if the other girls like the two exceptions took the initiative and completed the job remaining undone without being told. We tend to think that unless the job is specifically assigned it is not our responsibility and that we can just relax. Being in a house is like team work with many members sharing the work and doing it without prompting if something is seen pending, unless specifically asked not to do.”Initiative is taking action even though you haven't been given the orders. It means meeting new and unexpected situations with prompt action. It includes using resourcefulness to get something done without the normal material or methods being available to you.”

This should apply not only in our homes but outside too. When there is an unscheduled power failure, anyone from the locality can telephone the department. If there is an accident in the road, help can be rendered by any passerby. What we witness is that people wait for someone else to take the initiative and tend to remain mute witnesses. We waited for an Anna Hazare to start the agitation against corruption though it could have been done by anyone. How many of us would file a PIL petition in a court against perceived injustice?

.”Initiative is doing the right things without being told”

Are women able to achieve their full potential?

2011-04-14T00:27:00.000+06:00

I have just started reading a book Woman & Success-The anatomy of achievement. In the very first article entitled ‘To autonomous women: an introduction’ by Ruth.B.Kundsin, I was startled and made to sit up after I read the following paragraph she began her essay with.

“If a female Einstein existed in the United States today, would she be recognized? Would she be a professor at the Princeton Institute for Advanced Studies? Would she get a National Science Foundation Grant? Would she be listed in Who’s Who? Or would she be found in a neat suburban house washing her husband’s socks, practicing Craig Claiborne’s recipes and imbibing dry martinis in the afternoon with anger mounting in her heart toward her family, her friends, and the faculty at the college where she majored in physics?”

Is it true that ‘for reasons deeply rooted in history and culture, potential Einstein’s (or Picassos, Salks or Lincolns), if they happen to be born as female, rarely achieve their highest potential?’This book was published in 1974.Much water has since flown under the bridge and there has been a significant change in the outlook though not adequately. Many women have successfully pursued professions and reached remarkable degrees of success. The book attempted to seek answers to the question what was the source of their motivation. A conference was held where such women were brought together to present papers on their work and how they were able to achieve and how they felt on their achievement given the “ambivalent and often hostile environment.”

Some of the findings were:

A strong parental support from both fathers and mothers were essential for developing the confidence and self esteem needed to prepare for a career. A husband’s support is essential in the later part of life.

. Strangely it was found that the support of teachers and colleagues is not as essential as that of parents.

An unhappy revelation was that women rarely found support from among their female peers. Study in strong women’s colleges or exposure to foreign countries or cultures provided better opportunities for leadership.

The most important finding was that it is not only possible for a woman to have both a career and family but it was beneficial to all concerned.The professional mother exerted strong influence on their daughters.

Another point that I observed in another article was that aspiration is remarkably low throughout a girl’s lifetime compared to a boy’s. When girls of about 700 in number in the elementary school were asked what they wished to be, their choices fell into:teacher,nurse,secretary,mother.(remember this was in 1974-choices are different now)There was no fantasy in the selection while 15% of the responses of boys were pure fantasy. It was said the girls chose ‘the roles prescribed in the literature, curriculum and in their immediate surroundings. The commitment of girls to careers declined in high school and in the college the women revealed a propensity for their role as house wife and mother.

Although the findings related to a period more than three decades back and in US, are they any different in our rural and small towns (excluding the big cities)? If not what needs to be done.Instead of a secretary take data entry operator or call centre employee to fit into the changed scenario. Otherwise are the ambitions of girls as high and vaulting as that of the boys?Are the circumstances congenial for such a denouement?

This is just to set your mind thinking on the subject.

On learning and books

2011-04-12T22:06:00.000+06:00

Most of the people think that learning stops with school or college. Thereafter they stop reading altogether except for a few who read fiction, newspapers and magazines. The time spent before TV is mostly on channels that do not enhance the knowledge. They are on serials, sports, movies and reality shows. Only a very small percentage watch channels that trigger thinking or educate. A sizable percentage of graduates after they leave the college do not read any new book that will add to their knowledge. But continuous learning is vital to making the most of our lives. How many of us keep the door open to new learning? How often do we interact with knowledgeable people and get insights in areas we are not conversant with? When questions are asked by children or colleagues or friends that are new and baffling, do we take them positively and endeavour to find the answers? I know many of us cannot answer these questions satisfactorily. It is said that real learning takes place only after we have completed our formal learning and lead lives as adults. Learning is a lifelong process and never ends till we are dead or afflicted by Alzheimer. “The purpose of learning is growth, and our minds, unlike our bodies, can continue growing as we continue to live. “(Mortimer Adler) The only thing that we should do is to aid the mind’s growth by feeding and exercising it.

It is here that books come to our assistance. Although there are many ways of gaining knowledge, books constitute the cheapest and easy way of education. One need not spend money on books and can join library. If it is not feasible, spending a small portion of income each month on books is worthwhile. William Ellery Channing says “It is chiefly through books that we enjoy intercourse with superior minds, and these invaluable means of communication are in the reach of all. In the best books, great men talk to us, give us their most precious thoughts and pour their souls into ours.” Make it a point to spend a small portion of your income whatever you can afford on buying good books. Selection of books is as important as selection of good teachers or schools Reading is a cheap form of entertainment adding to our knowledge a lot more than watching TV.I cannot resist quoting Charles. W. Eliot here “Books are the quietest and most constant of friends; they are the most accessible and wisest of counselors, and the most patient of teachers.”Have a list of 25 books to be read made and vow to read them over a period of time. Continue this process when you have finished.

“Books are the food of youth, the delight of old age; the ornament of prosperity, the refuge and comfort of adversity; a delight at home, and no hindrance abroad; a companion by night, in traveling ,in the country.” Cicero

Is there a less hurting way to immunize ourselves from negativity?

2011-04-12T00:29:00.000+06:00

I had a close friend who could never see the bright side of anything. If we go for a boat ride, his first remark would be “I am afraid the boat would topple down midway in the lake. It looks old”. When I take a flight to another city, he would ask “why do you travel in this airline. They have too many crashes. I wish you had chosen another”. Whenever he went for an interview he would tell me that he was sure the selection was predetermined and that the interview was just an eyewash. He always saw a ghost where there was none. Whenever he is around I easily get caught up with the negativity of his emotions that I become negative myself. He had no faith in the goodness of others and was always filled with suspicion .As a result his life became miserable. But he was a good man though a cynic. I had not the heart to turn him away. I have found his presence always killed whatever initiative I had.

When I spoke about this to my wife, she had only one answer.”You must distance yourself from this guy however much it is unpleasant and uncivil it may seem. Otherwise his negativity would impact on all your decisions. Negativity is contagious and you should give no room for it to catch you.” She was right as it is well nigh impossible to participate in negativity without absorbing some of that negativity in us. It was difficult to follow her advice but I took care not to be near him whenever I had important jobs to attend to or decisions to be taken. I also took care not to mention about such matters to him till I had accomplished them.

The message is simple.” If you don’t want fleas, don’t sleep with the dog”

A lesson I learnt from my granddaughter

2011-04-11T01:03:00.000+06:00

I wished to call back my friend who had called me two days back. He had given his number that I had scribbled carefully. I tried to locate the number not knowing where I had jotted down. I looked in vain in my telephone index, in my contacts in Gmail and on the several envelopes on my table. Then it hit me that I had noted the number on the newspaper that I was reading. A search revealed that my daughter had used the paper to bundle some garbage. I cursed myself for being disorganized. It was then I got a call from my granddaughter. She said “Grandpa, I had forgotten to take a note book. Can you please go to my book shelf and take the fifth book from the left on the second row. It has a yellow wrapper and you will see ‘Bioinformatics’ written on it. Please send it through the driver to my laboratory” I found the notebook in the exact place she had mentioned and within a minute sent it to her. It was then I wondered how organized she was in contrast to my slovenly ways.

This set me thinking on the importance of being organized. I realized that success comes to those who are organized. The ability to retrieve a thing or a thought is the hall mark of an organized person.” Being organized is being in control - of our time and space. You know where your things are - material and informational; you know you can locate them easily when you need them, without putting in a lot of physical or mental effort; and you know you can set them back just as easily enough.” It saves unnecessary tension, time and improves productivity in whatever area we are engaged in. I could feel the confidence in my granddaughter’s tone and the cool manner she asked for the book unlike me who would have made not only me miserable but all the other family members about my perceived loss of a thing. Being organized does not call for extraordinary skill. It is just the determination to streamline the way we do and store things/information. There should be a system and we should adhere to it always. Our time management will be wonderful and there would be no missed appointments or meetings and no embarrassments.

After a while

2010-09-29T17:58:00.000+06:00

It takes time to become confident and assertive.We are likely to meet along the life’s way overwhelming failures and shining successes. If we develop the ability to face them calmly and to bounce back where fallen without ascribing it to fate, we would have learnt the secret of winning.I read this passage with a beautiful poem by Veronica.A.Shoffstall entitled ‘ After a while’ and wish to share with you.
After a while you learnt
the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn
that love doesn’t mean leaning
and company doesn’t mean security.
And you begin to learn
that kisses aren’t contracts
and presents aren’t promises
and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and eyes ahead
with the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child
and you learn
to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow’s ground is
too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of falling down
in mid-flight.
After a while you learn
that even sunshine burns
if you get too much
so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone
to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure
you really are strong
you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn
with every goodbye, you learn…

Lunatics never unite

2010-09-27T19:52:00.000+06:00

As children we were told the story of how four bulls running in disarray are easily attacked and killed by a single lion while when they stood together, the lion backed away in fear.The moral that was dinned in our impressionable minds was that strength lay in unity.We have also been taught that singly the wooden sticks can be easily broken but well nigh impossible when bound together to buttress the point that united we stand and divided we fall.I read in a book by Kopmeyer that when a visitor to a lunatic asylum asked how only 3 guards were able to control 100 violence prone dangerous lunatics, he was told that lunatics never unite.

This set me thinking that it is not the lunatics alone who do not unite but even the common people are unaware of the power of unity.Otherwise how would one explain that British colonialists controlled crores of our people with a very small military force for more than two centuries.Even today it is the lack of unity that enables unscruplous politicians and officials to indulge in unabashed corruption of astronomical magnitude in every aspect of our lives.If only the people had learnt that strength lay in their unity and in the power of their ballot,we could have achieved a clean and honest government everywhere across the country.Jayaprakash Narayan was aware of the people’s power and galvanised the entire country to throw out an oppressive government.It was the strength of the united stand that made it possible.

It is time that unlike lunatics we should unite to oppose all forms of injustice and delay in justice, discrimination on the bais of gender,religion and caste,unfair displacement of people to benefit a few, mindless accumulation of economic power in the hands of a few business families,appropriation of political power again in a few families, flawed policies of keeping the poor ever in want and prevention of a true democratic ethos in the governance of the country.If we fail to stand up united,today the posterity will mock at us saying lunatics never unite. When bad men combine, the good must associate; else they will fall, one by one, an unpitied sacrifice in a contemptible struggle. Edmund Burke

Suspicion can kill relationships

2010-09-27T10:17:00.000+06:00

Every relationship stands on a tripod of trust, love, and fairness. The moment you lose your trust and begin to suspect your spouse, lover or friend, then the bond of affection that guides the relationship gets weakened with the risk of disappearing gradually if not set right in time. This is not to say that one must turn a blind eye to the danger signals in the relationship.There are several pointers which any shrewd person gets to detect.The primary thing is not to hit the panic button immediately or get unduly upset.The proper and reasonable course would be to question the person whom you are suspecting directly and thrash out the matter.This must be done with open mind and not with unverified assumptions.Jumping to conclusions without a basis besides infuriating the other party can also fuel more suspicions.Jealousy drives people crazy and make them do unusual things like snooping,spying and tailing without a proper assessment of the situation.Such methods end up with disconcerting results where the suspected person is above board. The attempt should be to get at the truth of the matter tactfully.This may not always be easy if the person supected is really a cheater,he will never tell the truth and may tend to be more careful to hide.But drect questions and meeting of the eyes would indicate in most cases the truth.

To suspect an affair when your spouse/lover/friend merely talks or exchanges messages /mails with another person of opposite gender in a friendly manner is nothing but jealousy or the outcome of insecurities like lack of good looks, academic attainments or a good position or other skills in comparison to the other.Most often it is jealousy that is the root cause of suspicion.It has the power to destroy relationships.Extreme possessiveness leads to jealousy and excessive control ovet the other.The person tends to become invasive.It is the lack of knowledge of the real happenings or the truth that gives rise to suspicion and vague fears of losing the person to the other.It would be unreasonable to expect your husband/lover/friend to stop talking to others or having normal friendship. It is however a matter of concern if a large part of the time is spent by spouse/lover with another person beyond the call of duty or normal behaviour between two friends.Confronted with evidence, the guilty would normally accept the charge and plead for forgiveness.It is also possible for the guilty person to force the things to a head.It is then a cool decision should be taken whether to bring an end to the relationship taking into account various factors. If however the suspicion turns out to be wrong after verbal fights and dirty accusations, there is the risk of loss of trust and relationship besides justifiable anger.Cautious and patient understanding of the situation is the key.

“Pure love and suspicion cannot dwell together: at the door where the latter enters, the former makes its exit”

Gaining respect the right way

2009-08-26T11:51:00.000+06:00

All of us when we go up in the official ladder to higher positions of responsibility wish to gain respect from all in the work place. We also like people to respect us not by the positions we hold but by virtue of our own personality and personal traits. Respect is always earned by our actions while obedience is enforced. It is not uncommon to see workers and subordinate officials bow in deference to a boorish and arrogant superior. This is more out of fear for the harm he can do than genuine regard for the individual.
There are a few basic principles to gain respect from employees.
Do not try to be popular: When tough decisions are to be taken, the path of least resistance is always a chosen route and a busy boulevard. Bosses are afraid to hurt the sentiments of a large number of people and would like to be known as humane. But it is good to remember decisions are to be taken on the merits of the case for the good of the company and the long term interests of the employees. Cheap popularity and wise decisions are not always compatible.
Be strict in enforcing discipline: Good discipline should be consistent, without fear or favour and always with prior warning of the penalty for wrong doing. It should be fair and commensurate with the violation. The penalty should be given immediately after the violation and can be identified directly to the misconduct. It should be impartial with no blue eyed boys getting away Scot free. A boss who follows these principles would command greater respect than one who is erratic and selective in dispensing punishments.
Be a role model : Never put yourself in compromising situations in all things you do. Be they in dealing with office stationary, being punctual, dealing with lady staff, businesslike meetings, and efficiency in work, relations with peers or bosses and the polite language employed. Remember you are being watched all the time by your employees. They keep learning from you. There are no separate yardsticks to judge people.
Avoid favours from subordinates: We often come across managers sending employees to do personal errands on their behalf during duty hours. Unconsciously this puts them in obligation to them. A quid pro quo is expected and some leniency or favour demanded. The other employees tend to know the happenings. This brings down the boss from their esteem. As a rule do not employ subordinates for personal work. It is also good to avoid socializing with them like playing cards or drinking beer with subordinates after office hours. But bosses should invariably attend employees’ weddings or commiserating with them at their homes on their bereavements. The boss should be seen as a mentor and well wisher

A Life That Matters

2009-08-21T19:40:00.000+06:00

Ready or not, some day it will all come to an end.

There will be no more sunrises, no minutes, hours or days. All the things we collected, whether treasured or forgotten, will pass to someone else.

Our wealth, fame and temporal power will shrivel to irrelevance. It will not matter what we owned or what we were owed.

Our grudges, resentments, frustrations, and jealousies will finally disappear. So, too, our hopes, ambitions, plans, and to-do lists will expire.

The wins and losses that once seemed so important will fade away.

It won't matter where we came from, or on what side of the tracks we lived, at the end.

It won't matter whether we were beautiful or brilliant.

Even our gender and skin color will be irrelevant.

So what will matter? How will the value of our days be measured? What will matter is not what we bought, but what we built; not what we got, but what we gave.

What will matter is not our success, but our significance. What will matter is not what we learned, but what we taught.

What will matter is every act of integrity, compassion, courage or sacrifice that enriched, empowered or encouraged others to emulate our example.

What will matter is not our competence, but our character. What will matter is not how many people we knew, but how many will feel a lasting loss when we are gone.

What will matter is not our memories, but the memories that will live in those who loved us.

What will matter is how long we will be remembered, by whom and for what.

Living a life that matters doesn't happen by accident. It's not a matter of circumstance but of choice.

Choose to live a life that matters.

"We are, or become, those things which we repeatedly do.

Therefore, Excellence can become not just an event, but a habit ".

Albert Einstein.

The Rules For Being Human

2009-07-29T11:56:00.000+06:00

Author Unknown

1. You will receive a body. You may like it or hate it, but it will be yours for the entire period this time around.

2. You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called life. Each day in this school you will have the opportunity to learn lessons. You may like the lessons or think them irrelevant and stupid.

3. There are no mistakes,a only lessons. Growth is a process of trial and error; experimentation. The failed experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiments that ultimately “work.”

4. A lesson is repeated until learned. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, then you can go on to the next lesson.

5. Learning lessons does not end. There is no part of life that does not contain lessons. If you are alive, there are lessons to be learned.

6. There is no better place than here. Where your there has become a here, you simple will contain another there that will again look better than here.

7. Others are mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something you love or hate about yourself.

8. What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.

9. The answers lie inside you. The answers to life’s questions lie inside you. All you need to do is look, listen, and trust.

10. You will forget this.

The Whole World Stinks

2009-07-28T10:59:00.000+06:00

I read this passage somewhere (author not known) and wish to share with you all for the message it contains
" Wise men and philosophers throughout the ages have disagreed on many things, but many are in unanimous agreement on one point: "We become what we think about." Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "A man is what he thinks about all day long." The Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius put it this way: "A man's life is what his thoughts make of it." In the Bible we find: "As a man thinks in his heart, so is he."
One Sunday afternoon, a cranky grandfather was visiting his family. As he lay down to take a nap, his grandson decided to have a little fun by putting Limburger cheese on Grandfather's mustache. Soon, grandpa awoke with a snort and charged out of the bedroom saying, "This room stinks." Through the house he went, finding every room smelling the same. Desperately he made his way outside only to find that "the whole world stinks!"
So it is when we fill our minds with negativism. Everything we experience and everybody we encounter will carry the scent we hold in our mind."

Frugality

2009-07-11T08:14:00.000+06:00

Frugality is one of the most beautiful and joyful words in the English language, and yet one that we are culturally cut off from understanding and enjoying. The consumption society has made us feel that happiness lies in having things, and has failed to teach us the happiness of not having things.

Manifest plainness,

Embrace simplicity,

Reduce selfishness,

Have few desires

Life is a long lesson in humility

2009-07-10T10:57:00.000+06:00

Humility is a hall mark of great men. It is only the upstarts that suffer from ego and inflated opinion of themselves. The greater the position one climbs, humbler one generally becomes. The really great men rarely need the crutches of instant recognition and adulation. Pride is what most men display unwilling to accept what they really are and suffering illusions of what they really are not. I read that if men were clothed in humility, most would be scantily clad. Very few realize that we are in this world for a short period doing what is ordained and instead of taking pleasure at what is done, we attach importance to who did the work. We expect everyone to praise us and our work failing which we nurse bitterness. There is a craving for adulation and recognition in whatever we do. All the anger and frustration would not arise if we are not victims of self pity or self importance.

I have read that the great physicist and mathematician Einstein was embarrassed by the attention and admiration received by him very deservedly at that. He was humility personified when he wrote “There are plenty of the well-endowed, thank God. It strikes me as unfair, and even in bad taste, to select a few of them for boundless admiration, attributing superhuman powers of mind and character to them. This has been my fate, and the contrast between the popular estimate of my powers and achievements and the reality is simply grotesque.” Contrast this with our own tin-pot politicians and bureaucrats who believe genuinely that all the good that is happening in our country is because of them and keep harping on it.. There is no need to prove ourselves to others. Bragging with pride only diminishes the positive feelings others may have for us. Our work or accomplishments would speak for themselves better.

How many of us respond patiently to ordinary men and women who either on the roads or offices asks us some questions? We are always in tearing hurry. Humility is genuine concern for others. Humility means being a better listener, being more patient with others, being helpful to utter strangers when help is sought for and letting others have their glory. Humility is in doing great and small acts of kindness without letting others know. Humility is in making peace with other’s imperfections and being more tolerant.

Humility is like underwear,essential, but indecent if it shows

Ignoring misery

2009-07-08T11:35:00.000+06:00

Miseries abound in life. The intensity of the misery and the pain it causes are a function of the mind. It is how we look at it. On a hot and sultry day when the power goes, the well placed man feels miserable when the fan or the air conditioner stops working. To the poor in the hut with no electric connection, the absence of power is no hardship. Miseries are the products of the mind. As we have seen the same situation produces different reactions to different people at different places. The eyes are just a device to see things. It is the mind that really sees and interprets. If the mind is clean, cleared of cobwebs of illusion, we tend to see things differently. What we considered at the night before we went to sleep as a great misery defying easy solution appears as manageable when we get up in the morning afresh. There is no change in the external situation. It is only a refreshed mind that looks at the problem in a different light.
Sri Ramana Maharishi says” the mind turned outwards on to the world becomes the ‘ego’ which is the small “self”, that is prey to innumerable wants and worries. Miseries and mortifications are the lot of such a lot. The same mind behaves or reacts differently in different men depending upon how it is conditioned. The mind turned inwards and in full view of the Self, it is oblivious to everything external to it. Miseries do not exist by themselves but what the mind makes or bargains for. They exist when allowed and disappear when ignored..Misery is relative to a person just as death in the family affects different individuals differently. When one daughter breaks down under sorrow, another one remains calm and composed. In sum miseries are the products of the mind. If you own them, they appear real. If you disown them they vanish.

A misery is not to be measured from the nature of the evil, but from the temper of the sufferer

Should religion divide?

2009-07-05T14:30:00.000+06:00

Why does religion divide? Etymologically, religion derived from the Latin word ‘religio’, means ‘bind’; that is that which binds all is religion. Sadly in practice religion divides, rather used by vested interests to divide people on the basis of religion, denomination and subdivisions, setting man against man and instigating wars and strifes.If we consider religion as love, tolerance and respect for other faiths and beliefs, we can see the mockery to which the word religion has been reduced where one brother fights against another. God expects us to love, be kind and practice forgiveness among other values in life. He has never said that there is only one right way to honour, praise and worship Him. Why is it that the fanatics in every religion believe that their religion alone is the one and only way to follow? Trying to force something upon people of other faiths will do nothing except drive them away from your fold. Instead the focus should be on right leading making people come to your faith wanting to know more.
The bottom line is that there is no place for intolerance in world today allowing religion to divide instead of unites. Religion should not be used to harm others. The leaders should not use religion for narrow political ends. Instead they should spread the message that God is one and not separate for each religion, that God is universal in concept with all mankind His children and that love, kindness,tolerance,compassion and charity should inform all our actions. All paths of different religions ultimately lead to God and that religion is not a badge to be worn but is a way of good life with principles of high values common to all religions. The following verse should serve as our motto.
The world is my country
All mankind my brethren
To do good is my religion
I believe in one God and no more

What are your three best wishes?

2009-07-04T11:05:00.000+06:00

Dream lofty for dreams, and as you dream, so shall you become. Your vision is the promise of what you shall one day be; your ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil. James Allen

I had asked a good friend of mine what her three best wishes would be if an angel were to ask her. She could not readily answer and I think she bought time by telling that let the angel ask me first. Most of us do not have a clear wish list. We haven’t prioritised them even if we had one. If you had missed your bus, you may wish that another one should come soon. I am not talking about such petty wishes. We are not often in a position to spell out what we want in our lives. We haven’t thought about them. Perhaps it would be nice to write down our ten wishes and then scan them to prioritise them. Like a child we should not ask for a jar full of candies. We must seek the best. Many of the wishes we had noted would be deleted on a second look and some new ones instead may find place.
Our first talk should be to know what we want from our life. There should be a purpose in it. Otherwise, we are like a rudderless ship moving in unchartered seas. I read success in anything, even in life,’ isn’t the result of spontaneous combustion. You must set yourself on fire.’
“All who have accomplished great things have had a great aim; have fixed their gaze on a goal which was high, one which sometimes seemed impossible.’ There is no limitation to your big dreams.You can fix big goals, and achieve what you want to. Success in life means different things for different people. Some may want to be stinking rich, some may want a beautiful wife, children and a happy home, some may wish to serve society as a service to God while some may wish to move higher in their spiritual path. The sad part is most of the people have no specific goals and move along in their lives accepting things as they come. They have no vision or a chartered route.
But by and large, one’s success is settled by having a goal or two. It is not enough to have mere goals. The success is dependent on your potential, determination and hard work. The goals should be realistic keeping in mind the potential, ability and training needed to realise. One cannot hope to reach the moon without equipping oneself as an astronaut and developing the skills there for. But the sine qua non for success is your strong belief in your vision. It must permeate in your whole body, thinking and attitude with the dream virtually taking over you. The goal must always be a compelling vision and not a wishful desire.

Avoid accepting others' problems

2009-07-02T18:59:00.000+06:00

I read an article by M.R.Kopmeyer that a man in a lunatic asylum was found pushing the wheelbarrow turned upside down. When asked for the reason for doing so, he quipped “I am no crack to allow others to put their rubbish in my wheelbarrow” This doesn’t seem to be the answer from an insane man. It looks a very intelligent and well thought out response.If only we care to look around including ourselves, we would find we are all moving around with our wheelbarrows open for others to dump their problems and worries on us. It is a human tendency to pass on the problems and jobs that have to be met or done by them to others. As long as there are willing persons to hear them out, the problems are invariably and gladly pushed by others.
It is a natural tendency for us to feel important if someone seeks our willing ears to listen to their woes. We may be aware that we are not in a position to solve every problem of others and yet out of politeness and social courtesy or due to ego, we get involved. We have trouble in saying NO because we do not wish to disappoint someone or trying to be nice. If we do this, we would find ourselves over stressed or failing in our promises. We must learn to be firm and say “No, thanks I have no solution to this problem of yours” There is no need to enter into lengthy explanations. Never say “I will try or let me see”. This refusal can be done without rudeness.
There may be genuine cases where we would wish to reach out.If you wish to help out, think about the time and energy required. There is no point in promising what is doubtful or cannot be accomplished. Be selective in helping out depending upon the merits of the case. If you say yes every time you are asked to help out, people may take you for granted and burden you with their work. There is no need to feel guilty in refusing as you have your responsibilities and goals to take care of.
Our strategy should be to keep the wheel barrow upside down and choose what and whose contents it would carry to keep it manageable.

Loving life is lovely life

2009-06-30T16:04:00.000+06:00

A friend of mine never misses an opportunity to remind me that we should always come to the succor of needy, especially children, if we are in a position to spare the time and money. I saw recently the phrase ‘loving life is lovely life’ while reading an article. It says if we had clear and lofty goals and if we choose to be a Good Samaritan extending a helping hand to those who need; our lives would surely be lovely. The choice before us is whether we wish to have a life of ease and comfort centred in self with no care for others less fortunate or to lead a life of love and compassion. With the former style you would never be found fault with as most of the people lead such purposeless lives but you would have missed a life of service or usefulness. Our goal should be to love to serve and live to serve. That alone would please the God. One cannot love God if he cannot love other men or forms of life created by Him. Selfless service alone can be considered as love of God in action.
Life is the most precious and invaluable gift to man by God. How he spends or utilizes it is the test given to him. Human life is a rare opportunity not given to all forms of lives. Should he not therefore make wise choices and lasting investment in it? Much of life is lost in childhood, sleep, career, meeting the physical needs and so on. Thus most of our life is spent on self. What is left is but a fragment of the total life lived, ‘how long or short permit to Heaven’. How one leads this small part of life is finally that matters and the true litmus test whether life has been lived well. This is perhaps the only time available that can be considered his own that can be spared to serve others. If one wishes to waste his life living a humdrum existence of no use to others like low forms of lives, it is his choice. But wise people who are alive to the larger scheme of life and its purpose would not misuse their lives but appropriate every moment that can be spared towards service and welfare of others., the poor, deprived and the less fortunate amongst God’s children. It is not easy to become whole time saints like a Mother Teresa or Vinobha or Swami Vivekananda. But it must be said of us that we had led a ‘life of trust fully discharged of opportunity well utilized and of gifts well accounted for and a life well invested. It is now up to you what you wish to make of your life-use it or misuse it; serve your petty self or serve others. Life is yours and you have to decide for yourself.’
“What will matter is not what you bought, but what you built; not what you got, but what you gave. What will matter is not your success, but your significance. What will matter is not what you learned, but what you taught. What will matter is every act of integrity, compassion, courage or sacrifice that enriched, empowered or encouraged others to emulate your example. What will matter is not your competence, but your character. What will matter is not how many people you knew, but how many will feel a lasting loss when you're gone. What will matter is not your memories, but the memories that live in those who loved you. What will matter is how long you will be remembered, by whom and for what. Living a life that matters doesn't happen by accident. It's not a matter of circumstance but of choice. Choose to live a life that matters.”

Leaning towards risk

2009-06-29T12:50:00.001+06:00

In our lives we are constantly confronted with situations where the future outcome is not clear. We would weigh the pros and cons but still remain undecided or opt for the safe path that is always less attractive. In life we are to take risks constantly, we cross the road hoping that vehicle users would follow the rule of road, we take our food in restaurants hoping the food is made hygienically, take our medicines trusting they are not fake and submit ourselves to treatment believing the doctors know their job well. Even marrying a person is a risky gamble until everything turns out to be fine. In business risks are taken day in and day out based on conjectures of the market, supplies and margin. One cannot play safe for the waves to subside till we take a sea bath. It never happens. Risk free road is the busiest boulevard but no successful men are found there.
We must remember that all risks are not the same. There are some risks that are just dumb, foolish and chancy like buying a lottery ticket, placing a bet on a horse or playing roulette in a casino to win a sweep stakes. But many risks are reasonable risks which one has to take perforce, intelligent risks, where the benefits outweigh the disadvantages. In the evaluation where all factors have been taken into account, it would be foolish to let go an idea where the positive outcome is more than negative fallout. If the damage by failure is minimal or manageable, the risk should be taken and an opportunity to make good should not be lost by excessive caution. Take the simple example of a young lover wanting to propose to his girl friend but afraid of possible .rejection. If he fails to take the risk of proposing to her and face whatever her response is, he would surely miss the girl forever. While we should give a wide berth to reckless dumb risks, we should not fail to avail intelligent risks. Otherwise our lives would be ordinary with no glamour or success.
There are a couple of things to bear in mind. Taking a long term view of the decision and the likely positive outcomes and not being guided by a few cases of failure we often hear about.Sucess may not be immediate but one should work putting in maximum efforts and hoping the intelligent risk taken will pay out well at the end. Success is not for cowards. Those who refuse to lean towards risks by bending with each storm of life may never get hurt but their character to be daring would be irreparably be hurt. There is a proverb ‘Everybody pushes a falling fence’. You can never command respect. We can distinguish the leader amongst men just by looking at a pack of animals cowering under danger. Suddenly one animal steps forward and moves towards the danger. This halts the other terrified many. So is amongst men.The leader takes an intelligent risk.
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United we stand

2009-06-18T16:15:00.000+06:00

It is not in the strength of numbers that power rests. We have seen this countless number of times.. Women who are almost half the population have not got their rightful and proportional share in all spheres, be they, in legislature, workplaces or higher educational institutions. They have the power to wrest their rightful due and yet they have failed to get. It is because they are not united as a gender or a group to compel the political class through their power of ballots. It is the same everywhere. Where the groups of people are not united against a common oppressor, their causes remain ignored. The people are not united against the government in getting rid of corruption, maladministration, misgovernance and such like grievances. The political classes are aware of this disunity amongst the people and exploit it. The consumers are not united against the auto drivers fleecing them by unreasonable demands. The parents and students are exploited by educational institutions for the same reason. People are yet to realize that in union their strength lies. As in the story of four cows and lion, divided we fall. There should be a realization amongst people of this simple truth.
I read a story of one dignitary visiting a lunatic asylum housing more than hundred violent and dangerous insane men. There were only a handful of guards to contro them with nothing in hand except a baton.Suprised the dignitary asked how come the guards are not afraid of lunatics joining and pouncing on them. The head of the asylum calmly replied, “No, the lunatics never unite.”This is the message for us. We should consider ourselves as lunatics when we do not unite for a common cause. The trade unions are aware of the strength of unity. Sadly nowhere else we witness such a unity. This is true not only as people and groups in society. It is applicable to nations also. Combined their might is adequate to cow down the bullying of a strong or super power. United the nations can work for a better world. The message is loud and clear-it is in unity that strength lies and that lunatics never unite.

Forgetting insults

2009-06-14T08:45:00.000+06:00

We are often irked almost daily at home or in work place by some annoying remark or hurting insult. We dwell on the incident endlessly like a dog with a bone making ourselves more miserable. We become irritable and in turn pass on this mood to others. Eventually in a few days we tend to forget the incident as other events in our life crowd in wiping out the memory. New thoughts or new hurts take over. The question is how when we eventually forget every incident or remember them faintly in reduced intensity, why we cannot forget right away when the incident occurred? Why carry the unhappy thought for long only to be forgotten anyway. God in His infinite compassion has made us forget the unpleasant and painful thoughts, sorrows and suffering as otherwise life would be a living hell. So why wait for the mental self defense to work eventually to forget and why not get rid of the thought immediately.

Look at the benefits. We are spared of the unpleasantness of dwelling on it and harbouring vengeful thoughts. Our mind becomes clear and purer. It is often better not to see an insult than to avenge it. Once we forget we resist the temptation to respond angrily by word or deed and present to the victimizer a cool indifference. Our mind is also free to take on newer thoughts and activities, often pleasant and engaging. We are also freed from the consequences of tension on our health both physical and mental. It is sometimes good to develop a thick hide as a defense mechanism. Let us not wait for the natural mental process to obliterate unpleasant thoughts but forget them now. It takes some effort but it is worthwhile.
It is not he who gives abuse that affronts, but the view that we take of it as insulting; so that when one provokes you it is your own opinion which is provoking. Epictetus

Magical talisman

2009-06-12T16:29:00.000+06:00

We are little aware that all of us have one magical talisman that can attract people towards us. We rarely use it effectively unaware of its power to build successful relationships. It is an unfailing device that has miraculous power. If you use it with your children they would listen to you better, study well and obtain better grades. Employed with colleagues and bosses, their cooperation and support would be assured. If you wield it in your home, your wife and friends, everyone would flock around you thinking you to be a very nice person. You will spread cheer and happiness all around and making you also a positive looking person. What is that luck charm available with us? It is nothing but Praise. Everyone has a craving to be appreciated. It is this need that is met by praise.
We come across people who encourage us with their praise and when we are done with them we feel built up. We also meet others who are torn down whom we should cheer up . One of the ways we build people up is to praise them. There is power in praising people! Something begins to happen in them, in you too and in your relationship when you praise someone. Let us not praise just for the sake of it. Let us find out some positive traits in them to praise. If we start looking for it, you would surely find. Let us not be dishonest. If others have done something wrong, let us point it out but when they do something right, praise it unfailingly! It is scientifically proved that children praised for their performance and intelligence do well and that children criticized fare poorly. It is praise that makes the difference. So too with employees for better output.”The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.”When we begin to praise, the benefits are manifold-strengthens relationships, fosters loyalty, and creates happier and satisfied people.
We are all motivated by a keen desire for praise, and the better a man is, the more he is inspired by glory”

Live many lives

2009-06-09T15:40:00.001+06:00

I have a young friend who did his IIT and MS and made his pile in US by starting an IT company. After about two decades when he had earned enough, he quit and took to reading astronomy. He acquired a doctorate in his early forties and is now in the academic line guiding students. It is not just a change in profession as many do in their career from one company to another. It is a conscious decision to live a new and totally different life .There are many who do that if they are in a position to do so. I have read in a book by Kopmeyer that Dr Schweitzer lived four different lives As a Doctor of Philosophy, he authored many books. He later earned a Doctorate in Theology to become a curate in a church to lead a different life. Not content with this experience in life also, he pursued his interest in music and became a renowned concert organist. The urge to serve the poor and depressed goaded him to become a physician and surgeon. He served the sick in the hostile jungles of tropical Africa by building a hospital.
We all live life only once and rarely change the vocation. We spend our life doing nothing to distinguish ourselves with success. It is good to change our life bringing greatest good to the largest number by not confining ourselves to one humdrum life without any benefit to others. It is conceded that not all can afford to do this in these difficult times. This should not preclude those who are successful in life in the early stages to seek a new life. I have known many after their long career take to study of law, learn Homeopathy or other branches of medicine, start affordable schools, do research in their religion, and join social service organizations/NGOs giving their heart and soul into their new lives. We have the option to lead more than one life that can bring joy and happiness not only to us but to other needy people. One need not lead a life of dreariness and mediocrity. We don’t have to be stuck up with the present.Some preparation early in life will facilitate our leading more than one life.

Creating personal goodwill

2009-06-08T19:19:00.000+06:00

We are all aware of goodwill in the business and corporate word. It is an important asset to a company reflecting the increase in its value beyond its material assets. It cannot be bought initially but has to be created. This good will is the outcome of company’s performance in relation to its stake holders, mainly its customers. When a business is sold, the goodwill it has increases its sale value substantially. Business houses ensure that they do nothing to lose their goodwill. Individuals also likewise have to acquire goodwill if they are to be respected, trusted and succeed in life. Personal goodwill cannot be bought but has to be created by the individual by the way he lives and conducts himself with reference to others. It is the individual’s reputation and trustworthiness.
The foremost thing in acquiring personal goodwill is to perform what we promise in all our dealings with others. Our word, speech and action should always be in conformity with the understanding we create in others. If there is a variance between what we say and do, one can be sure that goodwill gets deeply eroded. Most people wish to be treated important, admired and appreciated. When we say or do anything we should test our speech and actions against the touchstone whether our speech and action generate goodwill or ill will.If it is the latter we must ensure that we guard against it even though such action or speech may be temporarily expedient. Whatever we say or do should give a feeling of importance or satisfaction or appreciation to others, at times even beyond their expectations. If something more than what they expect or agreed upon is given, the benefit is much more. Do your little bit of good where you are; it is those little bits of good put together that overhelm the and creates your personal goodwill. This alone will build and improve your personal relationships.
However many holy words you read, however many you speak, what good will they do you if you do not act on upon them?” Buddha

Plant the ‘lucky feeling’

2009-06-07T13:52:00.000+06:00

Even today when I am comfortably placed in life, when I find a one rupee coin on the road, a sense of happiness envelops me. I consider myself lucky that day and expect the luck to run throughout the day. I may even be impelled to buy a Bhutan lottery ticket at that moment. It is not the value of the money found. You cannot get anything for a rupee these days. Even beggars do not consider much of a rupee. It is the feeling that we are lucky and things have changed brighter for us that leaves us happy. If you start thinking that luck has turned your way and that things you desire will happen, psychologists tell us that we are sure to get what we want. It is the mental attitude that makes things happens. The lucky feeling makes us expect the things we desire to happen and what we expect to get, we generally get.
People feeling lucky have a certain state of mind that helps them in various situations. Luck could influence some people unconsciously make better choices than others. I have also read from a book The luck factor by Wiseman that certain tests done, to see how satisfied individuals are with their family life, personal life, and health, have revealed a marked difference between "lucky" people and the rest. The "Lucky people are far more satisfied with all areas of their lives than other people, The feelings of satisfaction are more the mental reaction to situations than actual situation obtaining. It is how they interpret the situations. People who think of themselves as lucky tend to interpret their lives positively; they expect good things to happen so when things are actually happening their attention focuses on the positive aspects.”
To spread this lucky feeling, I left a ten rupee note without the knowledge of my granddaughter in the book she was reading. When she found the tenner, she was wondering who could have placed the money in her book. When she could not determine who placed it, she attributed it to her luck. The smile in her face and the lucky attitude encouraged in her mind by this discovery made me plant small denomination notes in children’s books, toys or things they handle frequently. It would be a good idea to plant such lucks at unexpected places to people who are less privileged than us. It need not be money. It could be a meal ticket, an old shirt, an used sari,a pair of Hawaii chappal to someone without sandals or even a free haircut.. It could be anything but should make them feel lucky. Try it out.

Life'splan and water melon

2009-06-01T23:04:00.000+06:00

You must have read the story of how a very big Japanese grocery store solved the problem of handling spherical watermelons that could not be stacked one over the other and occupied huge space involving higher rental cost and increased transportation expenses. Though the solution defied them initially, they solved it by placing the water melon when it was growing in a square box..The fruit took the shape of the box thus bringing significant cost reduction in storing and handling.
This set me thinking till I read a book comparing our life’s plan to watermelon. We saw that the watermelon that could grow bigger was restricted to the size of a square box that was convenient to handle.. The walls of the box would not allow it to grow big. It is the same principle that operates with our plans for life also says the author. “Our plans shape- and limit-,our lives just as the box limited the watermelon. We can never be bigger than our plans.” The moral is not to make small plans. There should be no restriction on our plans/goals in life. If we limit the plan, we would get a life of the size of watermelon in the square box. Let our plans be unconfined or bounded. Let it enlarge to its fullest shape to enrich our lives. Let not our abilities suffer due to the small sized plan. There is no harm in the plan being big to test our capabilities to the full.

When Mahatma Gandhi led the freedom struggle against the mighty British rulers in a non violent manner, he had nothing else to show to his millions of followers and motivate them except by the loftiness of his goal-total independence. The immensity of the problem or goal did not deter him. When he undertook the Dandi yatra with nothing but barefooted army of people, it was the bigness of his goal and the promised freedom that inspired his followers. His faith in the legitimacy of his plan enabled him to show a clear path to his followers. He was not agreeable to cut his goal to a smaller size. Any leader in any walk of life should have a clear plan or goal that is big to enthuse his people.A leader with a petty goal cannot remain a leader for long. For one to succeed he must have a worthy goal and a big plan to achieve the goal, a plan that is not constricted by restrictions. This applies to our individual lives too. Let our life plan be big like an unbounded water melon for it to grow to its full potential.

Difficult to break free from fear of death

2009-05-26T12:40:00.000+06:00

He was a retired man financially sound. He had lived his life full. He had educated his children and married off his daughters. It was then he had this serious ailment. The doctor diagnosed it as cancer in an advanced stage.”How many months of life would you give me?” queried the man. The doctor gave him at best 6 months. He smiled to the surprise of his doctor and said “I am better off than King Parikshit who was given just seven days to die due to snake bite. He was a king and had many important affairs of state to settle. I have no pending work and can organize my exit peacefully though my wife and children may not take kindly to this development. I can now retire to a temple town and spend my last ays in peace and quiet prayer”
How many of us can face the end with such serenity and calm composure? More so when the individual is middle aged with wife and young children to take care of, with no financial security and with the prospect of leaving the entire burden on the young shoulders of wife. If only we go to the hospitals and stand outside the intensive care units, we would realize the agony of a staring death and the misery it beings in its wake. The doctors are human and they do to their best what they can possibly do. It was easy for evolved souls like Ramakrishna Paramahamsa or Ramana Maharishi to entrust their lot to almighty and suffer pain silently till their final departure..
How does an ordinary individual face the horror of death? It is fairly easy to talk about the inevitability of death and the immortality of soul to a man in his twilight years approaching the final moment. The fear of death in the case of younger people is not merely the fear of the unknown, the fear of treading into endless darkness or of a frightening hell. The horror emanates from the fear of losing the near and dear when the man’s duty towards the family and society is unfinished and when the knowledge that he would only be leaving misery behind both financial and mental. The burden of mounting medical expenses, the expenses towards unfinished education,marriages,for day to day living are all scary even to a normal person and what to speak of a dying man. To philosophize to such a person that life is but a blip in the timeless eternity would be rank foolishness. To talk of karma theory may satisfy the talker but would not make sense to the affected.
How does one break free from fear of death in such cases? Not all the teachings of Gita or of our religion can do little to minimize the pain and fear as is the knowledge that his immediate family would be taken care of well, their security assured and their future held in safe hands. This assurance alone would numb the pain in the ruffled mind to some extent and bring peace. He would then be prepared to die at least free from his major worry of leaving his family without adequate cover though the prospect of final separation would still be hurting. It is for the kith and kin to provide this mental solace. Nothing else is of any avail. But in today’s world where the families are tending to be small and self centred and even the living parents are considered a burden, the prospect is grim..

Reinterpret religion through women’s eyes

2009-05-24T15:29:00.000+06:00

Our religion has all evolved over a long period in a social framework predominantly controlled by men. All our scriptures have been written by rishis and sages who were men. These have a strong undertone of patriarchal ideologies. Women no doubt hold a central but yet an ambiguous role in Hindu religion. According to the Laws of Manu, women are essential to the dharma of men and find fulfillment in this subsidiary role. Women’s role is defined in relation to men upon whom they should remain dependent as a daughter to father, as a wife, to husband and as a mother to her son. Religion was used as an effective tool to oppress women and keep them subservient to men. There was no attempt to reinterpret the religion thro a women’s perspective. The place of women is still seen through the prism of religion framed by men. Religion is still controlled by men and the dharma is what is interpreted by them. Women are prevented in the name of religion certain duties that men are allowed.
Luckily with the advent of British rule and the emergence of social reformers some significant changes have been witnessed. Since the middle of nineteenth century reformers like Raja Ram Mohan Roy, Ishwar Chandra vidya Sagar, Dayanand Saraswati have created an awareness and climate for vesting women their rightful place in society. They were instrumental in bringing about legal changes in several areas like widow remarriage, women’s education, abolition of sati, share of property to women etc.in the second half of Nineteenth century. The national movement brought women to the centre stage. Mahatma Gandhi’s call to women to participate in the national movement enabled them come out of the four walls of their home and work for the nation’s cause as equal partners with men. The shining examples of Sarojini Naidu, Kamala Devi Chattopadhyay gave fillip to women join in large numbers breaking the barriers of caste and gender. Polygamy is illegal and divorce laws are easier.
But the basic question still remains unanswered that religion is an exclusive preserve of men and the incalculable harm it can do to women when most of the laws have been in the past enacted by men and interpreted in relation to archaic Manu dharma and some such outdated practices. Change in regressive laws is still slow. The progress in restoring women their legitimate rights is definitely there and significant but still it is in halting pace.. Feminist scholars should take in depth research and study of the religion and demonstrate wherever the laws are loaded against women The importance of such an endeavour in a pluralistic society as we have with men occupying positions of power is obvious. Such study should bring out the legal reforms needed for giving the women their rightful place in society and home. It should not be out of gratis from men. Look at the dithering on women’s representation in legislature. The resistance to accord equal place to women will be high and women should show their power through ballot to achieve what they want.

Developing detachment is difficult

2009-05-23T14:03:00.000+06:00

It was Marcus Aurelius who wrote hundreds of years ago in his Meditations that “We ought to consider not only that our life is daily wasting away and a smaller part of it is left, but another thing must also be taken into the account, that if a man should live longer it is quite uncertain whether the understanding will still continue sufficient for the comprehension of things, and retain the power of contemplation which strives to acquire the knowledge of the Divine and the human.: He pleads that “We must make haste then, not only because we are nearer to death , but also because the conception of things and understanding of them cease first.’
Our own Bhartruhari in his Vairagya Satakam urges that “ Life is changing like a big wave, beauty of youth abides for a few days; earthly possessions are as transient as thought; the whole series of our enjoyments are like occasional flashes of autumnal lightning; the embrace round the neck given by our beloved ones lingers only for a while. To cross the ocean of the world, attach your mind to Brahman (God).”.
Easily said, well nigh difficult to follow. Still if one must slowly progress towards his spiritual journey, some amount of detachment should be cultivated. A man may live in the world but should strive to discharge all the duties of his order and stage of life with detachment. He may be a grihastha living with family and children. But that need not preclude him from practising perfect mental detachment or doing his spiritual Sadhana. This can be achieved by doing everything as duties enjoined on him and doing them as offerings to God. It may appear strange to be detached doing mundane things at home or in office. This can be acquired by doing the job sincerely without a longing for the outcome. In other words not getting passionate about the results of what we do. In fact, he will be better than a sadhu living in far off mountainous caves as he has to face unlike the sadhu the innumerable temptations of life.
It may look impractical but is possible gradually to develop inner mental detachment from pleasure if we are not carried away by the pleasant experiences of the world by clinging to them. If we adopt the attitude of a silent witness and keep practising, such an experience may help in our ascent in spiritual ladder. Eventually we will have mental poise and an unruffled state needed for such a journey. There is no other short cut for liberation from this cycle of births and deaths.

Being happy at little things

2009-05-19T14:54:00.000+06:00

When I opened my eyes from my sleep one fine morning at 5am, I found my eight year old grandson sitting by my side holding my hand and smiling at me. I was surprised and asked him when he got up and what he was doing. He said, “fifteen minutes back, grandpa and just watching you sleep peacefully. I do that almost daily.” I smiled back at him and that whole day I felt very happy. He added he found it nice holding my hand and waiting for me to wake up. The innocent gesture of a pleasant smile from the little lad lightened my heart. The little smile in that early morning determined the rest of my day of 23 hours and 59 minutes with me basking in the knowledge of my being loved by someone. Whenever I left for office, my wife invariably stood at the balcony and ready to wave her hand at me when I turned the corner of the road. She put off all her work to be there on all days and I invariably turned to see her standing. There was nothing great as we were together all the time I was at home .But yet this small act of hers made me happy as I looked forward to a gruelling day ahead at the office. A Hi or Ram Ram to another jogger as I jogged along in the park cost me nothing but earned tremendous good will. A hello to the paper boy or a small coin to a beggar woman on the way side are small things for us but go to boost the spirit of others..These are petty things that we should do but do not remember to do.
I have found that others extend the same gestures to me like when I am standing in the queue for paying my bill. Someone much younger in age offers to pay mine along with his while I sit in the chair. Such acts give happiness to the giver as well as the receiver. Caring for small things that concern others takes us nearer God. Happiness is a state of mind. It is not in the external things like riches, comforts and material possessions..It lies in your being satisfied with what you have and sharing with others what you can.. Little things actually make us happy like the cool breeze as you stand at the balcony, chirping of the birds at the window sill as you rise in the morning, a multi coloured sky in the evening, the relentless waves beating the rocks, the joy in the urchins playing on the road, or a happy child with a rattler in hand. Happiness can be found everywhere if we deign to see and also lies in making others smile. There are innumerable little things in life for us to be happy about, if only we care to look for them. Try it out on your wife by expressing your delight at the dinner she served. Look at the broad grin on her face and the affection she shows thereafter. We should develop certain amount of selfless nature to appreciate the good things in others. It comes by habit.

Are we capable of waiting?

2009-05-18T17:42:00.000+06:00

There are number of occasions where we are compelled to wait. Be it at the bus stand or railway station waiting for the bus or train, waiting for someone who has promised to meet us at an appointed time, for the paper delivery boy to supply the day’s paper at day break or waiting for our spouse to get ready to go out with us, we need to wait for a few minutes or even longer. We become restless, fidgety and we start biting nails or walking up and down endlessly or buying a Pepsi to drink to keep engaged, looking at the watch every second minute. None of these can hasten the thing we are waiting for to materialize. It happens on its own. We are unable to sit at one place and calmly wait. We would have seen our mobile a dozen times for messages that are not there. We are all the time trying to keep our mind busy. This restlessness is contagious. It catches others too by your body language.
Can waiting be the only thing that we can be doing without making it tedious by such restlessness? When we say we are waiting, we are not actually waiting but expressing our tension in a variety of ways. As someone said we are constantly fleeing from waiting and are not capable of waiting. Instead of allowing the external distractions like the clock, mobile, Pepsi to disturb you for keeping your mind busy, would it not be good to calm the mind and be involved in the mere act of waiting, pure waiting free from discontentment and anger. I would not say eternally but for a reasonable time.Certain amount of patience and tolerance towards others would not be amiss. If we know the local train is scheduled to arrive at 6-15pm, stay quiet till 6-14pm engaging your mind on worthwhile thoughts instead of on mobile, watch or at the time–board. It is difficult but worth trying to make it a habit.

The tussle between the two ‘I’s

2009-05-17T18:07:00.000+06:00

We have two ‘I’s in us. One belongs to the body and the other is related to the soul. Both the ‘I’s have adequate proof of their existence. The spiritual ‘I’ claims that it is immortal and therefore enjoys a higher status. There is no death for it whereas it said “the bodily ‘I’ is ephemeral in nature and would die. It taunted the bodily ‘I’ saying that moment the spiritual ‘I’ leaves the body, the bodily ‘I’ dies instantly and none would come near it. The bodily ‘I’ undaunted replied that the other cannot exist without the bodily ‘I’ and that none can recognize it without the bodily ‘I’ .It added that the soul cannot act without the help of body and mind and that it cannot concentrate ,meditate or go into Samadhi on its own. But it conceded its mortal nature and the power of the spiritual ‘I’ to elevate it. It also accepted that spiritual ‘I’ can adopt other bodily ‘I’ while the latter cannot do so. It finally agreed that it is in its best interest to follow the instructions of the spiritual ‘I’ and act accordingly eventually forgetting its own separate identity as ‘I’

It must be borne in mind that spiritual ‘I’ belongs to God and in reality the only one ‘I’ that should remain. There are among us good and bad urges. There is a twin personality in us the base and the noble each of which is recognized by the urges it manifest. That ‘I’ which kindles greed, jealousy, lust, vengeance, anger and carnal instincts is bodily ‘I’ The spiritual I brings out the lofty qualities of inner spirit like love, kindness, compassion, contentment, peace, charity, sacrifice, forgiveness and other angelic qualities. The characteristics of soul are natural and are there always. Violence is committed while non-violence is natural, deceipt and fraud are committed while simplicity and innocence are natural, a lie is told and is spoken while truth prevails when you don’t speak. The attributes of soul are natural characteristics but in actual practice we distance ourselves from these good qualities. We are ultimately that by which and to the extent one of the ‘I’s dominates. If the spiritual ‘I’ influences our actions and thinking, the superior qualities in us manifest themselves. It is not a question of spiritual ‘I’ dominating but it is the bodily ‘I’ submitting itself to the dictates of spiritual ‘I’ and merging itself with it gradually. It is only by determined effort and persuasion of the mind that the smaller ‘I’ can identify itself with spiritual ‘I’ .Once this sublimation of the two ‘I’ s takes place, the spiritual soul merges with Supreme Consciousness or God

‘Why me’ syndrome

2009-05-13T12:08:00.000+06:00

In life afflictions of serious ailments, bereavements and loss of property are all common occurrences happening to every family. None is exempt. Yet when a person is visited with terminal disease, the question that crops up immediately in one’s mind is why me of all the people. Strangely this ‘why me ‘syndrome doesn’t manifest when one is happy, rich and healthy with all good things showered. When one wins a lottery of huge stakes or chosen for state honours, no questions are asked why he/she was chosen to receive the blessing. We always feel we do not deserve bad things we suffer while we accept good things without any doubt about our deserving them.
The point that I wish to make is that when we accept good things without any qualms, we should accept disagreeable things as well without demur. We should not curse God that He has unjustly inflicted pain when we never questioned His judgment when bounties were showered. We should accept His judgment always and under all circumstances. Again if we go deeper and accept the Law of karma, the good and bad we get are all the result of our own actions with God nowhere in the picture. True faith in God and in His goodness will enable us lead our lives virtuously without collecting additional baggage of misdeeds to be liquidated later. Trusting Him fully and entrusting oneself to His care would help face defeats and disappointments with equanimity and accept success and riches with humility. Leaving everything to Him but doing our duty to the best of our ability is the way to go. Life and things belong to Him and what He does with it is not something to be judged with our limited knowledge.. With this realization, there would be no place for ‘why me’ question.

My Intent is to have faith in God, even through the hardest testing

Breaking the bad habits

2009-05-02T11:50:00.000+06:00

Habits can be good or bad. They can be beneficial or harmful. “A man’s fortune has its form given to it by his habits.” We would be a success in life if we are able to cultivate the good habits of learning and work, good health, public behavior, discipline and method in our work, eating ways and what not. Life would be happy. If we are victims of bad habits, it can be a heavy burden and a hurdle to succeed in life. The problem with bad habits is that it is very difficult to break them once formed. There are some bad habits like finger nail biting, picking noses, blinking of the eyes, smoking, insomnia, stammering that may need to be tackled at the sub conscious level with the help of a professional psychologist.
Most habits can be broken by the individual with some effort. Most of the small habits can be stopped with determination. It is the mental will power. The feeling of comfort or enjoyment in pursuing the habit should be replaced by a revulsion and disgust. There is no open sesame or a quick fix except hard work. If only one looks at the reason why we indulge in it and the benefit you get by escaping from some problem, it may be easier to shed it. The tension in the office may make you irritable by habit to family members like wife and children. By letting of your anger, you feel a bit relaxed and calm. It could be to watch TV undisturbed that this irritability helps in keeping away the family members. One has to make a choice between irritability to family and the hurt it causes vis a vis the pleasure of watching TV. Which one you value more would enable you to discard the bad habit. . To effect a change in habits, one needs to bring the action back into the realm of consciousness and regain the ability to make right choices.
The old habits were formed to fulfill a need like releasing the tension of the office or desire to watch TV undisturbed. If we wish to break them, you need some alternative needs in place. “A nail is driven out by another nail, habit is overcome by habit.” That is why we see people who have quit smoking taking to snuff or chewing tobacco. If we choose a better alternative like going for a walk with spouse or playing with children board games or reading a book, the pain of breaking the old habit would not be felt. The thought that bad habits are annoying to others and often retard your progress, popularity and acceptability would steel your determination to get rid of them.. Let the bad habits be replaced by good habits It is good to take one habit at a time and immediately instead of many. It was Mark Twain who said “A habit cannot be tossed out of the window. It must be coaxed down the stairs, a step at a time.” It is a challenge that calls for determination and effort.

Courtesy costs nothing but gains everything

2009-05-01T10:40:00.000+06:00

How many of us have the patience and courtesy to stop for a second and tell the time when asked for .We keep moving along and mumble the time without caring whether the other got it. Do we wait when asked for directions and give clearly or just keep walking telling nothing or just batha nai or I don’t know. How many of us are willing to stand up and offer our seats in a metro to an old man or pregnant woman where we are required to travel for 45 minutes to reach our destination. Do we bend and help in gathering the papers dropped unless the person who dropped is a young lady? Do we agree to give our lower berths to an upper berth to an old man? There are many such instances where courtesy can be extended and where people can be helpful. We do not even use ‘please’, ‘thanks’ or ‘excuse me’ as much as is necessary to people placed lower than us.
Courtesy is the essence of life. We spend nothing except a kind word or a few moments but gain everything. People do not announce who they are when making phone calls or express regret when they have made a wrong call. Some turn rude if you have made a wrong call. Lack of courtesy reflects poor upbringing. Are we polite in replying letters /mails when we get enquiries about something we are not dealing or conversant with? Do we go the extra mail giving useful information? Do we go out of our way to show customers they did us a favor by coming to us? There are scores of such instances where courtesy can be shown. It casts reciprocal obligations on us.We have to show respect and gratitude to those who are civil and polite to us. Then only it becomes contagious spreading cheer all around.
This trait is best seen in those who have had good upbringing. It is important that we raise our children in this manner by personal example and practice even in the household. The parent’s influence is the strongest in this regard. Courtesy is amplified by this story I read somewhere.When Einstein was holding a party to some well known people, he saw a young boy sitting alone bored and neglected by others. He went near the boy and asked him whether he liked music. When the boy evinced interest, Einstein took him to the first floor and entertained him with music on the piano. He forgot his guests and spent his time in regaling the boy. This is the height of courtesy where even the feelings of a youngster are observed. What would have been the impact on the boy for this generous gesture? Courtesy costs us no money but gives joy both to the giver and receiver. More so in crowded places, in rush hour, in competitive situations a smile and thank you will make the world a happier place to live in.
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The hardship of virtuous living

2009-04-24T17:46:00.000+06:00

When I was a young boy, I had always felt that to be a good student entailed hardship. It was no fun. You will have to be punctual, attend school all the days without playing truant, do homework without fail, be attentive in class without chatting with other mates, score good marks and be obedient. It was fun for others who had no desire to be a good student-they did what pleased them, chatting while classes are on, playing all the time without doing home work copying during tests and making fun of teachers behind their backs. To be good entailed suffering it seemed to the young mind.
Like wise to be virtuous, we are to suffer in life. While people who are not driven by the desire to be virtuous adopt various means, fair and foul, to enjoy life. They lie, deceive, and perform less than what they promise, they are corrupt, are self centred without consideration for others and so on. Life to them seems a bed of roses, all luxury, convenience and comfort. The virtuous often lead a humdrum life , mostly in want and pass through life amidst misery. Despite this our elders constantly preached to us when we were children that we must lead a virtuous and straight life no matter the hardship it may cause. We were told stories of Raja Harischndra who underwent great hardship to stick to his principle of truth or Prahladha to pursue the path of devotion. Even the stories of Ramayana and Mahabharata extolled the virtues of their heroes and decried the faults in others..We were told that sinners were punished by God in this or subsequent births and virtue was rewarded likewise later.The punishment or reward did not always visit immediately in this life itself. We were told an account was maintained for future dispensation of justice..Even the sages and saints underwent severe pain by renunciation of all comforts and led a secluded life often in hostile conditions.Virtuos life is always accompanied by pain we were told for the ultimate distant reward of a life in heaven while sinful life though gave immediate pleasures was always followed by long periods in hell. The distant incentive of a place in Swarg does not appeal to most of us as much as the alluring immediate pleasures in this life with only a threat of suffering in hell.
In his article Mr.S.H Venkataramani has argued notwithstanding the “divine dispensation of justice or not, virtue is its own happy and fulfilling reward, and vice carries within itself the seeds of its own punishment. He adds that “The way out of suffering inherent in sin is to make ourselves fully and deeply attentive to the nature of what we imagine, in our delusion, to be the stimulus for our happiness. We will then perceive the real cost of our selfish striving for sensual pleasure, and the inevitable but futile craving to perpetuate it when it is fundamentally transient”.

Tact-a tool for happiness

2009-04-22T12:23:00.000+06:00

Not infrequently we come across well meaning people irritating others during their interactions. They do it unwittingly and often suffer as a result. They are always misunderstood and ignored. They say the wrong things at a wrong time to wrong people. They are not smart enough to know when to speak, what, where and how. They may be highly educated, specialized in some field or attained a name in some area like a writer, sportsman, a musician and similar such vocations. Despite all these they may be tactless. Without that special quality they do not reach high and far. People with lesser attainments but with greater tact succeed in life than those capable without adequate tact. In this highly competitive world when everyone is trying to get a space for himself be it a marketing man looking for new customers, an hospital seeking patients, a lawyer wanting clients or performing artists wanting an audience, it only those with tact that thrive. Subject to all things being equal, people prefer those who are friendly, courteous and cooperative. There are some who take pride in being outspoken and blunt and tell hurting things even if they were true. They think it is a virtue and not aware that it is a serious drawback. One need not lie but it is always a good policy to tell the unpleasant truth in an agreeable way if at all one must or remain silent. What is needed is abundant commonsense and consideration for others.
Tact is a great virtue. It enables people to extricate themselves from tricky situations. It makes life easy for them and they generally succeed. Tact is being sensitive to delicate situations. As some one said. “Tact is a combination of good temper, ready wit, quickness of perception and ability to take the exigency of the situation instantly. It is never offensive but is a balm allaying suspicion, and soothing. It is appreciative. It is plausible without being dishonest, apparently consults the welfare of the second party and does not manifest any selfishness. It is never antagonistic, never opposes and never strokes the hair the wrong way, and never irritates.” The test of tact lies in our ability to put all types of people at ease by interesting ourselves in others and striking a receptive chord.
"Tact is one of the first mental virtues, the absence of which is often fatal to the best of talents; it supplies the place of many talents"

We are just tenants,not owners

2009-04-20T10:50:00.000+06:00

Do we ever confuse the house we are living in on a rental basis as our own and invest money on it adding facilities and beautifying it beyond what is necessary for our day to day living? We are aware that once the period specified in the lease, that has a clause of no renewal, is over we must vacate it. We keep in mind our temporary occupancy in the house and do not bestow much attention on it beyond the essential for keeping it clean and habitable. If we remember likewise that we are mere tenants in the impermanent body, we will get a new perspective on the meaning and the purpose of life. The whole problem arises due to our confusing that ‘I’ am the body and the mind. In actual fact, we are neither. We are mere tenants. The body is just a house on lease to be vacated on the appointed day that cannot be deferred even by a second. With such impermanence on our retaining the body, would it not be foolish to spend time and money in acquiring things to satisfy it lifelong? Remember the house one lives in crumbles immediately the lease is over just as the body starts to stink with a disgusting odour. It is so unbearable it is burnt or buried immediately. Does it make sense to pamper this impermanent body and its cravings and spend our precious life in pursuit of them?
If only we are able to detach ourselves from the transient body and have a look at our lives and those around us, we would realize the utter foolishness of our lopsided priorities in pursuit of material happiness and wealth. A mere realization that we can take nothing of our material possessions with us would expose the futility of acquiring wealth except for service to fellow beings. We would then realize that this body given us is to be used as an instrument of service to serve ourselves in the real way and others. The body that we are living in is to be paid only that much attention to keep it healthy, strong and clean for serving the society. There is no need for decking it with avoidable fineries, costly apparels and exotic scents. The body is meant to facilitate one’s moral and spiritual advancement and as an useful tool to serve others.’Paropakartham idham sareeram’ is an adage always to be kept in mind. Swami Vivekananda said that “They alone live who serve; the rest are more dead than living.” Let us bear in mind that we, the souls, are mere dwellers of the body and that mind is our servant and that we are neither. Without the soul the body dies. Body and mind are two servants. The body keeps always asking for satisfaction of its physical needs while the capricious mind would take us away from our goal by undesirable thoughts and eventually ruin our lives. Both these servants are to be kept under strict control and the mind under tight leash if we are not to waste our lives.. As wise people, we must employ the body and mind for the nobler pursuits of realizing ourselves and for service to the needy and hapless..

Standing on one's own legs

2009-04-15T06:41:00.000+06:00

It is a natural tendency in all of us is to give a head start to our children. The idea being that they should not pass through the difficult time we had to as youngsters. But what we call as a start or help actually pulls them back. I know of parents carrying the school bags of children, doing their home work, and attending to the various things they ought to do by themselves. As a result the child starts looking to mom, dad or sister for assistance and starts leaning on others for something or the other. The urge to be self reliant and independent and to do things by him/her is lost. The mother tries to make his school project better by doing herself. But allow the child to do his own work and see the immense joy and satisfaction he derives in his face when he completes it. The outcome of child’s work may not be as good as mom would have done. But the child would have derived a great sense of accomplishment and built self confidence in his ability and self respect in his independence. The greatest service to the child by a parent would be to train the child to be independent as far as possible and to trust his own powers. If the youngsters are prevented from being self reliant, they would turn out to be weaklings and failures later in life.
How many of the youngsters are independent and ready to face life on their own? Take for instance getting a seat in educational institution or a job. They lean on their money power, on friends and people in high authority or on their own social status. How many are willing to walk alone without crutches? Can you blame them if we allow them to lean on us right from young age? As Emerson put it “He who sits on the cushion of advantage goes to sleep.” I know many youngsters fondly and sincerely hoping for some lucky break without any serious attempt on their part to stand on their own legs. It is only those who divest themselves of all props and learn to work their way up who finally succeed. One cannot learn swimming in shallow waters. It is only in adversity that man’s abilities are truly tested. By jumping into deep waters (of course with guide around) where one has to swim or drown, one learns faster. So in life too when they are compelled to fend by themselves or live by their own wits, they will surely be a success. To quote Orison Swett Marden ”We do impossible things in life simply because we have to.Self reliance has the best substitute for friends, influence, capital,a pedigree, or assistance. It has mastered more obstacles, overcome more difficulties, carried through more enterprises perfected more inventions than any other human quality. The man who can stand alone, who is not afraid of difficulties who does not hesitate before obstacles, the man who believes in his own inherent power to do things-he is the man who will win.”

Pay attention to personal appearance

2009-04-11T11:12:00.000+06:00

Does a good appearance give an edge over others in all human transactions? Not all are endowed with beautiful features, good complexion or handsome physique. These are god given advantages. But appearance by way of cleanliness of body and comeliness of dress are within ones control. How many of us pay full attention to these two aspects of our personalities? I believe the outward appearance is a reflection of the inner self. An unclean man with an unshaven face, unkempt hair and dirty clothes on him cannot be expected to be orderly and methodical in his affairs. We can never relate efficiency, high ideals and clean work with a person who has poor standard of personal cleanliness of body and dress. He is bound to be slovenly in his approach in all matters. Many a people have lost in the race for positions in career due to smelly dress, unshaven faces with bristles, careless teeth, poor mouth hygiene, undressed hair, soiled hands, and undesirable habits of nose picking. The one tip for youngsters who wish to succeed in life is best contained in the quote “The apparel oft proclaims the man” To put in lighter vein when the ocean was churned for taking out the Amrita(nectar), the well clad Vishnu got Mahalakshmi, while the ash smeared Shiva got only poison Aaalakala.

It is not necessary that one should be dressed in expensive or rich clothes. One can be simple and yet elegant. Subject to all other things being equal, whom would you select for a position between two candidates, a neatly clad smart looking guy with good personal appearance or a slovenly chap who is careless in his appearance? True like a rough unpolished diamond getting passed over for a well polished glistening glass, capable persons may get a short shrift and an inferior person passing the muster. Apart from this the consciousness that one is clean and dressed well befitting the position gives self confidence and poise. I give a quotation that impressed me very much. “One cannot but feel that God is a lover of appropriate dress. He has put robes of beauty and glory upon all His works. Every flower is dressed in richness; every field blushes beneath a mantle of beauty; every star is veiled in brightness; every bird is clothed in the habiliments of the most exquisite taste. And surely He is pleased when we provide a beautiful setting for the greatest of His handiworks

Is love self centred?

2009-04-05T08:13:00.000+06:00

Can there be a love without expectation in all human relationships? Is there an element of quid pro quo governing these? When you confer love on someone, is there something that you expect in return? Is the love of a parent for the children unconditional or with expectation of a reciprocal love from the children? I believe that there is an unstated expectation of a return of love immediately and certainly when they grow old. People may not concede but there is hardly any love without some consideration. Even the love of a husband for his wife is tinged with self interest. His love for her is in expectation of his happiness that her company gives. Even the caress, hug or a kiss is more for the happiness to self than a demonstration of love towards the other. Deny the opportunity of a physical touch, stop giving what he wants and behave in a manner different from his expectations, the love would gradually fade and may possibly move elsewhere. It may be crude to say in most cases that all love is self based and is in direct proportion to the happiness derived.This applies to both sides. I read somewhere that it is like rearing poultry. The feeding of the birds, the care taken to prevent them falling from disease are all motivated by the eggs they are likely give or as chicken for eating at the table. The poor birds may be thinking that the master loves them while he is in actual fact self centred. Can we find men and women who love each other for their own sake even if one of them has nothing but inadequacies like in accomplishments, looks, conversational skills, even though good natured?.How long would such marriages last in the present day times? Some may last more out of sense of duty or societal compulsions than motivated purely by love.
The same is true where the old parents have nothing to give by way of help physically or monetarily. The children in most cases drive them away. How do we explain the phenomenon of burgeoning poor and old age homes? Some keep them out of a sense of duty or fear of what others may think of them but treat them miserably without a tinge of affection. In such cases, there is the absence of love. This is not to deny that there are grateful children who take care of the old parents out of a sense gratitude for all they have done. The burden of this article is to express the view that love for others is mostly self-centred for the happiness derived by self –which could be simple companionship as in friends,physical intimacy as in married couples,material benefits as from spouses, parents and siblings, physical help and support from others .Take away this happiness, the love may not be of same intensity. Even love towards God is in anticipation of grant of wishes through prayers and has a trace of awe and fear than unalloyed love
I would expect readers to post their views freely on this controversial post

Preparing for death

2009-04-03T18:43:00.000+06:00

When a man is born, death is inevitable. .Birth is an accident but death is a certainty. As every day passes in a man’s life, the distance to death is correspondingly reduced. The inexorable march of time will bring the cold hands of death at his door at the appointed time. Not all the advances of medical science can defer the date with destiny by a second.It is a standing wonder despite this knowledge man is oblivious to this reality. He is busily engaged in acquiring wealth and is after sensory pleasures as if he were permanent in this planet. He works to buy a house and once done proceeds to get one more, A business man is not satisfied with one business; he dreams of a business empire and spends all his time and energy. At another level people are after sensory pleasures and devote their full time in their pursuit.

As long as people are young and in good health, death is no where visible in their horizon.It is only when death claims the life of someone close in the family or when the man himself falls seriously sick, there is the fear of death appearing. Even the death of near and dear would not affect as much unless, he himself stares at death waiting for him. All his dreams of acquisition give way to panic and the fear of the unknown overtakes him. His life had been totally unprepared for death. He had not done anything to invest for life after death. He had been self-centred working for his goals. The ‘others’ were never in his radar. He had not devoted any time or money for service to others, the needy, the sick and the downtrodden. He had not invested in good deeds that would have prepared him mentally for spiritual progress and to face death.. Greed and selfishness are the major hurdles in spiritual path.Spiritual enlightenment are not acquired on death bed. It is only fear of death that envelops his mind.
The good people and the sages who have spent their life time for the needy took light of death as it appeared. It was deliverance for them from bondage while for the ordinary man it is a penalty for his wasted life. The former welcomes death in a cool and collected manner while the latter cries in fear and clutches the hands of the near and dear. The moral is always to evaluate the progress in life against the backdrop of death.Mid-course corrections for the deviations made from a virtuous and helpful life is a must as and when death takes place in the family or friends circle. An appraisal needs to be made whether we are ready to face the death and answer the creator of the noble deeds we have accomplished in our life time. We should be reminding ourselves daily with the quote “I expect to pass through this world but once. If therefore there be any kindness I can do for my fellow beings, let me do it now. Let me not defer or neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.”

Learning to enjoy without possessing

2009-04-02T18:00:00.000+06:00

I was reading a book by Orison Swett Marden wherein he had argued that we can enjoy what others own without our necessarily wanting to own them.Taj Mahal is a beautiful piece of art that we enjoy without wanting to possess them. The roses in the Mughal garden are no less enchanting even If they belonged to the President’s estate. A diamond necklace on a beautiful woman’s neck was admired at by an ordinary woman placed in not so fortunate circumstances and when she expressed her thankfulness, the rich woman wondered why the thanks when she had done nothing to the poor woman. The latter replied the thanks was for letting her see the exquisite necklace which she herself could not see and which she had to carefully protect and preserve for others to see on her neck. The quote .”I would rather be able to appreciate things I cannot have than to have things I am not able to appreciate” summarizes the message.
One need not be wealthy to derive pleasure out of things not belonging to them. The quality to derive joy from all sorts of sources is a rare gift and is not a function of wealth..It is only when you aspire to own them or feel jealous of others owning them, you miss the see the beauty and fail to enjoy in full measure. As Rev Dr.Charles F.Aked. put it “If you are not wealthy yourself, be glad that somebody else is, and you will be astonished at the happiness that will result to yourself.”We must cultivate the the habit of feeling rich and happy at the wealth, beauty and good experiences of others even though we are modest in our circumstances. Let us learn to rejoice at all good things around us without wanting to possess them ourselves.

Controlling anger by channelising

2009-04-02T07:04:00.000+06:00

Everyone gets angry. When we are treated unfairly, anger can help us stand up for ourselves Injustice makes us angry. We react to wrong doings either against us or others. Not all anger is bad. Public anger against government’s apathy to injustice makes them take note of it. It is the anger of the people against atrocities to and killing of female children in Nitihari that got the accused the deserved punishment. It is the public anger against misgovernance that throws out inefficient governments or dictators. Destructive anger however is not acceptable. Anger can even be a good thing as otherwise the timid or the docile person would be trampled upon by others. There should be controlled indignation that should be made clear to others who treat us unjustly. Uncontrolled anger would harm us and the cause. Like the unrestrained river in floods, it will bring havoc all around. Anger should be channelized to higher purpose and the extra energy spent for noble causes.
There is nothing to be ashamed about being angry. It is like any other emotion like happiness or sadness. Anger should not be suppressed but the surging energy given vent in some other way like exercise, sports, or social work. Otherwise the buried anger will harm the health of the individual. The hard part is learning what to do with these strong feelings. It helps to discuss about our anger with a friend or family member. Once we talk about anger, those bad feelings usually disappear. Never getting angry is well nigh difficult. We should instead remember that how we react when we are angry would decide ultimately the situation getting better or worse. We should in no case permit anger taking control of us. We should learn to control it.

Detaching oneself from desires

2009-03-28T10:43:00.000+06:00

What is happiness? Does it lie in acquisition of wealth or satisfying sensory pleasures as we commonly understand? Most people believe so and pursue relentlessly these ends. In the quest for such a ‘happiness’, they lose their virtues and good values. Hankering after material possessions, they fall into bad ways of greed, corruption and insensitivity to others sufferings. Ask any youngster his goal in life and you would get a prompt reply that he wished to become very rich.Attachment does not mean only to wealth. It can be to a woman or a man, to positions of power, to fame and name, Growing attachment destroys the mind pushing the individual deeper into the vortex of desires and in the process adding to the heavy baggage of papa (sin). Happiness is elusive and remains an illusion. Attachment produces desire that is insatiable and unquenchable. The root of all sorrows and grief is in attachment.
The sages have found that lasting happiness cannot be found so long as we pursue these mundane goals. They kept themselves away from worldly objects and pleasures. A guru gave a disciple a thread with several knots and asked him to untie the same. The disciple did accordingly and gave the thread to Guru. He threw it aside and asked what he learnt from the exercise. The disciple said that people should likewise untie themselves from worldly attachments if they wish to realize the purpose of life.Eschewing attachments does not come by easily. It is a difficult process calling forth steadiness of mind and a strong will power. One has to search constantly the heart and endeavour to keep at bay attachments to earthy matters. Sat sanghs, reading of and listening to spiritual subjects and engaging oneself in virtuous activities would facilitate the progress towards the spiritual goal of realizing oneself. One can be part of family and society doing one’s duties at home and work place and yet not get dragged into the quagmire of desires. All the duties should be performed in the name of divine for service to others. The self interest should be totally absent. Like the drop of water on a lotus leaf, one can be a part of the world and yet not belong to it. Attachment is the great fabricator of illusions and reality can be attained only by someone who is detached.
“Pray to God that your attachment to such transitory things as wealth, name, and creature comforts may become less and less every day”. Ramakrishna

Shed tears for the living than the dead

2009-03-27T21:01:00.000+06:00

There was a colleague of mine who passed through very bad time. His mother was very sick and hospitalized. His son had a scooter accident and lost his leg and the job. His daughter whom he had given in marriage to a good man was sent back wanting more dowries. This man was in utter financial straits. He was drawing only one third of his salary as the rest were deducted against loans taken. He sought the help of many friends and relatives. None would come to his rescue. The worry and sheer helplessness killed him with a massive heart attack. On the funeral day the entire office had gathered. All his relatives were there to console his wife and his many children.They eulogized his great qualities and recalled their closeness to him shedding profuse tears for his sudden demise. When the fellow was alive, I remember people avoided him lest he asked for some financial help. A little bit of sympathy and help while alive would have enabled him to tide over the temporary difficulties and helped him live. Instead they snuffed out his life through cruel indifference and denial. It was easier to pay lip sympathy after his death than help when it was needed most. What use is sympathy after death while total unconcern to his plight ruled when he lived? It is a tendency that many of us are prone to. How many old and infirm people are kept in want while living by their children but their obsequies done in pomp and style shedding unreal tears when dead?
Look at the number of posthumous awards. They are nothing but delayed recognition for service and valour.There was a poet in Tamilnadu Subramanya Bharathi. He was a fervent nationalist and freedom fighter. He ignited the people against the foreign oppression and social iniquities through his soul stirring poems. He died in penury, a fugitive from his own state. It was only after his death name and fame came his way. His poems were recognized and he was honoured in many ways.
There is a moral in all these. It is always good to help and recognize the need for help when a man is alive than cry after his death. Help should be given in time even if it is slightly inconvenient by sacrificing one’s wants to some extent. A Good Samaritan would rush to rescue regardless of personal hardships. I have witnessed on many occasions the poor daily wage earner giving alms however small it might be to the sick beggars than the rich who walk past them with scorn and contempt. Life spent for the needy others is a life well lived. Let the tears be spent for the living by alleviating their sufferings instead of storing them for the dead. Let compassion rule our hearts to extend help to the needy when living instead of sympathy when dead that serves them no purpose. Let the good deeds be appreciated and recognized then and there instead of building memorials after they depart from the world.

Contentment brings peace of mind

2009-03-27T12:20:00.000+06:00

There is one quality that is sadly missing in most human beings. We are never satisfied with what we have acquired or possessed. We crave for more. There is no peace of mind with the desire to have more of material possessions and sensory pleasures.. It is however not possible to satiate our desires because as soon as one is fulfilled, another springs up in the mind. There is no end to the craving till the last breath of our life. This is the reason why contentment is prescribed as an essential quality for a spiritual aspirant. But we waste our valuable time and health in the pursuit of ephemeral things that will not bring lasting peace or take us nearer the Ultimate. We should assiduously develop the quality of contentment and learn to be satisfied with our lot in life if we wish to avoid the cycle of births and deaths. If we are satisfied with whatever comes our way then we will not fall prey to temptations. It is this trait that will lead us towards liberation from bondage.
Let us remember that contentment isn’t a matter with being content with your situation in life and never trying to improve it. It’s a matter of being content with what you have — but realizing that as humans, we will always try to improve, no matter how happy we are. If we don’t, we have given up on life. Peace is not merely being self satisfied. Being passive and self centred is not desirable. This state should be overcome by service to the needy and hapless in whatever manner possible. Service to suffering is service to God.
Contentment means: to be at home with what we already have and realizing that contentment comes from within and not found from outside. In sum, contentment means reducing our wants, leading a happy contented life, avoiding unnecessary worries, being mentally detached, living simply and sharing with others whatever we have.
We should constantly affirm our contentment mentally and verbally with the words
”Through life's mightiest storms, I am contented, for I hold in my heart God's peace. Lord, as You live eternally at rest in Yourself, so let me live also, contented ever, that I may be worthy of living in Your joy.”

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Apologize and make up

2009-03-22T06:02:00.000+06:00

I came to know only after several years of married life that one small apology to my wife did wonders what hours of explanations failed to do. The one sentence”I am sorry, darling, that I hurt you with my words” had a magic charm about it. Years of being together we loved each other very much but also quarreled as much on petty issues. I often forgot the small jobs she gave me like posting a letter, sending a money order to her aged mother or ringing up the AC mechanic. When she found the unposted letter after three days or the unsent MO and asked me, I would say “I was busy and forgot” as if it was an adequate justification for my lapse She would be hurt not for the job remaining undone but for the lack of remorse In the anger of the moment I always spoke to hurt only to regret later. But I knew she would forgive me for anything said or done if I sincerely realized my mistake and said sorry. But ego would often stand in my way to make the first move even If I were at fault. I will wait to see whether she comes around without an apology. But when I see her prolonged hurt face, I would say ”OK, what is it you want? You want me to apologize for hurting you, is it? I never meant it that way. If you still want it, ok here is my apology.” There would be utterly no grace, no sense of remorse, no consideration but just an attempt to repair the damage done. She would quietly tell me, “No, I never asked for an apology nor do I want one. It would be enough if you realized you were at fault and felt sorry for it. What is the use of an apology if there is no sincerity behind it?”
So what are the ingredients for a good apology?
A good apology should be sincere. It should not be a conversational ritual. It is an admission of a fault.
Apology should be voluntary and not as a response to one sought for.
Apology should not be demanded
Apology should be prompt and immediately after the event to ring true and have a disarming effect.
Apology should not be condescending in tone.
Apology should not be on quid pro quo basis.
The person to whom an apology has been tendered should not gloat over the fact but make light of it. An apology should not be construed as an act of surrender or submission. The other person should not be left to feel degraded.
By acknowledging wrongs and seeking forgiveness, there is a renewed affection and trust making lives happy and less of conflict

The purpose of life

2009-03-21T09:49:00.000+06:00

The soul (atma), the real self, is made in the image of God. It does not participate in the activities or the sufferings of the body (jiva). It is only a disinterested witness to the drama enacted by the jiva. Although it is beyond body and thought, it is constrained to the consciousness level of the jiva or the body. The purpose of life is to liberate the jiva from its limited consciousness and thus enable the soul to merge with its higher self or absolute consciousness. Although the soul is a part of the all pervading Supreme Being, it is chained to the mental activity of the body and is subject to cycle of births and deaths unless liberated for a union with the Ultimate.”The soul has to travel with the baggage of a body, till it can remember to dump it.”
“You are not the body
You are not the mind
Neither are you the thought
Nor the emotions
You are the I Am
You are the Soul
You are immortal”
I found this mantra by one Master of Philippines which can serve as a reminder of our being the soul and not the body. The repeated chanting it is said would accelerate the spiritual progress. Besides, the practice of “loving kindness and non-injury, generosity and non-stealing, moderation and non-overindulgence, industriousness and non-laziness, accurate perception and correct expression and non-falsehood’ facilitates the body to realize the soul.

The penance of speech

2009-03-19T21:26:00.000+06:00

Sathyam brooyath priyam brooyath na brooyath sathyam apriyam,
Priyam cha na anritham brooyath esha Dharma sanatanaha.
The above is a verse in Subhashithani emphasizing the imperative of telling truth in a pleasant manner without hurting anyone. If the truth is unpleasant, it would be better to avoid telling an unpleasant truth. But on no account, one should speak falsehood for the sake of pleasing someone. This is an eternal value to be followed by one and all. The Bhagavad Gita also emphasizes certain guidelines in the matter of speech

anudvega-karaḿ vākyaḿ
satyaḿ priya-hitaḿ ca yat
svādhyāyābhyasanaḿ caiva
vāń-mayaḿ tapa ucyate(Bhagavad Gita-17.15)
“To speak without ever causing pain to another, to be truthful, to say always what is kind and beneficial, and to study the scriptures regularly: this practice is called austerity of speech.” (Bhagavad Gita 17:15)
All of this is tapasya of speech–speech that includes the exercise of thought and intelligence
Besides these there is certain etiquette to be observed in speech Clarity in one's speech without ambiguous talk is essential in a good conversation. There should be no beating around the bush and the speech should be direct to the point.. The tone should vary according to the person to whom spoken to like a gentle and a respectable tone when talking to elders; a vibrant and an energetic tone to someone dear or of the same age group and a sweet and an affectionate tone modulation towards children. There should be warmth in speech and very minimum interruptions. It would be wise to keep silent if the tone of the other turns aggressive and dogmatic...Harsh words are best avoided. A refined language is a hallmark of perfect speech

A thief of time

2009-03-18T11:11:00.000+06:00

All of us are in some way or the other guilty of procrastination. All procrastinations are not bad. Some postponement of a minor work for a more pressing work is justified. You rush to help a needy friend at the hospital and you put off your haircut to another day. Yes, it is justified as a good procrastination.. This word per se is not bad. It depends on what you defer and for what purpose. What is a minor work that can be put off is again relative and varies from person to person. Earning an extra hundred in a day for a comfortably placed man is minor in comparison to the pressing need for the same amount by a daily wage earner.
A good procrastination to my mind is not doing petty things that can wait for a real work of substance. It is a question of sense of proportion. Filing of tax returns by due date or sending the application for a seat before last date is more important than taking out the weeds from the garden or cleaning the cupboard..If we spend time doing relatively unimportant work instead of more pressing ones, we may feel we are busily occupied but we are actually underutilizing our time.
But deferring things for no reason except for laziness is bad and an unhealthy habit. Replying your mails, studying one’s lessons,visiting the doctor or a relative ailing in hospital should not be put off without adverse results sometimes. If you have real work to do, you may have to refuse to attend errands for others even if it is socially inconvenient. You can help only if you have time to spare without damage to your own pressing work. An ability say No to others is a key to avoid procrastination especially if you are short of time.
The definition in Wikipedia for procrastination is “a type of avoidance behavior which is characterized by deferment of actions or tasks to a later time. It is often cited by psychologists as a mechanism for coping with the anxiety associated with starting or completing any task or decision.”This is a bad habit and should be overcome by action.
“The main rule of coping with procrastination is: spend more time on main topics and spend less time on minor topics, despite seduction of various kinds.

Keep good company always

2009-03-17T05:42:00.000+06:00

It is strange that individually we are of a particular nature but collectively we become different. When we are part of a mob we derive the characteristics of a mob behavior. I remember as a fifteen year old I had gone to attend a marriage of a relative in a suburban town. In the evening a few relatives and friends went on a stroll to an adjoining park. It was 7pm and getting dark. There were not many in the park. As we were walking on the path, a young girl was seen walking ahead of us alone. She was tall with an attractive figure and must be around eighteen. One of the crowd said” She looks great. Let us quicken our pace.”As the others increased their speed I also kept pace with them. The girl too quickened her pace not to abridge the gap. These people began to accelerate further. The girl started running and the crowd of which I was apart also ran faster.Luckilythe girl reached the road before any harm could come to her. I shuddered to think what would have happened to the girl had she been overtaken. Individually each one of the relatives was good happily married and respectful to ladies. Yet in a crowd they became a part of pack of wolves.He who keeps the company of wolves will soon learn to howl.

Likewise the students who rag the new comers in a sadistic and wicked manner are individually fine specimen. Together they get vicious in nature that is not part of them if they were alone. The communal riots are always the outcome of mob frenzy. The man who throws petrol filled fireball at a crowded bus may be a decent tailor in the adjacent locality getting his stitching business from females of another community with whom he had cordial relations.
The moral is to keep away from the crowd bent upon trouble before you get sucked in unconsciously like the innocent boy in the pack of wolves in the park. In a crowd few act according to their own inner will. It is for this reason our elders emphasize the need to mingle with good men always.
The key is to keep company only with people who uplift you, whose presence calls forth your best.” Epictetus

Imitate wisely

2009-03-15T12:18:00.000+06:00

Man is imitative by nature. It is a primal instinct of man to act as others do. Just as children pick up the parents traits, manner of speaking and even the mannerisms, we begin to pick up the traits of others. The familiar you become with others, the more likely you pick up their qualities, phrases and even actions. You may not have the intention to imitate but unconsciously you may tend to do so if you hang around with others for too long. That is why it is very important to choose your friends wisely. If the others are successful you should certainly try to follow them. There is nothing wrong with it. There is specialness in every person with some unique gifts. They can serve as role model for their good qualities. If they are losers with negative attitudes, you should keep away lest you assimilate those qualities.

Parents are particular that their children have good company in the school. It is also for instilling the right values, stories of great men and women are narrated to us by our mothers. Example is potent in its influence and the way the parents set an example determines the characteristics of children. The key to success in life would therefore be to choose your friends wisely and surround yourself with capable people of good character, from whom you can learn. A good way to learn from great men would be to read their biographies to know how they lived their life and how they overcame their problems. You should choose some of these great people to be your role models, to imitate them, to inspire yourself from them.

Young people learn through apprenticeships and may appear to be just copying the master. A young boy learning music from his guru will follow him strictly till he acquires certain professional competency. Once he has learnt his craft, he should be original and not imitate his guru. If he does not employ new ideas and strike his own unique path, he will become a failure. Routine imitation is unauthentic, erodes ability to be creative and does not serve either the disciple or the guru. Though the tendency to imitate is inborn, blind imitation can be avoided only by conscious effort and will..“Imitation, if noble and general, insures the best hope of originality”

Treat people with respect:

2009-03-13T13:27:00.000+06:00

I have happy memories of my young age as a school boy and I have been influenced by many people in very positive ways. There were many teachers, some strict and some friendly. My maternal grandfather was prominent among those who shaped my young age. He was a disciplinarian and believed in the efficacy of the ferrule and its liberal application. But all of them taught me the imperative need for hard work, discipline, and believing in myself, if I am to succeed in my life. My father was a very gentle person who taught me more by his example than by advice.
I liked my father among the lot. He taught me many things, but the most important things I remember are: to speak softly, to remain unruffled, and to be respectful to all. I vividly remember the last due to one incident that happened. My father was a busy man and had many visitors on Sundays to seek his advice or to take his help. The other days he came home very late from office. I remember on one Sunday about half a dozen people had come waiting to see him. There was one old person in late seventies who was clad in crumpled khadi dress. He was in a dhoti that was worn knee high and wore ordinary chappals but he had come the earliest. Nevertheless I sent the others who were in clean pressed pant and shirt with shining shoes and who looked important .ahead of the old man.
At the end when the old man went in, my father rose from his seat and came towards the old man and touched his feet.”Should you not have sent for me? How long were you waiting, Sir” my dad asked. He brushed the question aside saying it did not matter. They were closeted for more than an hour. My father called me and asked me to prostrate before him to take his blessings. He said “If I am in this good position, it is all because of his munificence and generosity. He is the person who helped me financially to complete my education. He is a very big and rich land lord of our village." The old man patted me and smiled at me.
After he was gone, I confessed to my father my foolishness in making him wait unfairly. He made me sit down and told me “Never go by appearances or apparel. You must treat all people in a fair and impartial manner. The respect you give to them should be the respect you would wish for if you were similarly placed." I still value that bit of advice given on that Sunday evening than all the wealth he left behind for me.

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Have a motivational bath daily

2009-03-13T12:22:00.000+06:00

We have no two opinions that motivation is important and one needs to remain motivated all the time. But we often witness some people getting really motivated after listening to a good lecture and after a while slip back into their old negative ways? The motivation is obviously not permanent and lasting. I read somewhere a humorous statement that motivation is not permanent just as bathing is not. But we do take a bath daily and a shower with shampoo frequently. We scrub the skin with soap to keep our body clean. The reason we do this is that we accumulate lot of dirt and grime and we wish to get rid of them. By using a scented soap we ensure we smell also well.
Why not apply the same principle to motivation? Whether we like it or not there is a lot of negative stuff found in news papers, seen in media and heard from others. Such undesirable thoughts which are abundant in life today gets settled in our minds if we are not guarded. These in turn impact on our attitudes and make them rigid. Life is full of misery, failures, stagnations, suffering that it would require adequate efforts to remain motivated and to be free from the negatives and demotivations.Just like a daily bath and frequent shampoo shower for the body, we should take a motivational bath daily. To remain motivated we must read and listen daily to something inspiring. Good stories and messages of inspirational nature do good to change our mind. We should take care to mingle to the extent possible only with the right people who can make a difference to our lives. We must remember that we are easily influenced by the people with either positive or negative attitudes.
The gist of this post is: We should daily --read something good-- listen to something good-- and associate with right people. If we ensure these are done our thinking will remain positive and good,

Heaven is the most fair

2009-03-07T14:04:00.000+06:00

Our lives are not always a dance on roses. We live amidst sufferings and problems. When we get affected by one problem after the other we often wonder why such tribulations occur to us alone. We ask in a bewildered way “Why me” of all the people. We start bemoaning that life is not fair and that God is not totally impartial. In our bitterness when we see people who are wicked being happy with most favourable circumstances coming their way, we get convinced, wrongly no doubt, that God’s scheme is skewed and not free from bias. We see no reason for innocent people suffering when they have done no wrong.
This confusion would not arise if we believe in the Law of Karma. Simply put, it epitomizes the message that “As you sow, so shall you reap.”The harvesting of the outcomes may be staggered over several Janmas or in the present lifespan itself. Depending upon the nature of karma, good or bad, the effects would manifest in the janma It is believed that if we lead a virtuous life and serve the community for its good, the bad effects of Prarabda karma can be blunted or obliterated. The law of karma is only to make people pursue a path of right actions and accumulate good karmas to assure a bright future janmas.There is no way to get rid of past karma without suffering the punishment due for it. We can minimize its severity by good actions in the present life span.
As long as the bad karmas are allowed to accumulate, man cannot also progress spiritually. The mind will remain impure and undisciplined. Once we set store by this Law of Karma, it would be clear that the happiness or sufferings in our lives are the outcome of our actions in the past and present. We would not blame God for our adversities.We would be conscious of the imperative need for good actions. There is a Chinese saying that “Heaven is the most fair.”We must inculcate this message in our children and young students.

Are we reverent?

2009-03-06T18:30:00.000+06:00

I looked at the word reverence in the dictionary and learnt that it means a feeling or attitude of deep respect tinged with awe. It is a combination of admiration and wonderment. While we can have awe for even a tyrant or a cruel animal, admiration is reserved only for positive qualities .Reverence, a mixture of awe and admiration, is a virtuous quality. It is however not that simple as proper definition of reverence is difficult. Reverence begins only where there is a realization of our limitations as a human to comprehend things that are external to our control.- God,nature,justice,death to name a few.. Reverence does not belong to religion. It belongs to society or community. When the people live together they secure themselves with some form of rules, regulations, forms of ceremony, and good manners and observance of these is an act of reverence. An arrogant man cannot be reverent as he has no respect for things that are higher than himself. Power without reverence is arrogance, politics without reverence is blind to general good, service without reverence is rebellion and life without reverence is brutish and selfish.

We should not confuse respect with reverence. Respect can be good, bad, wise or silly depending upon the person respected. It would be silly to respect a fool but wise to respect an intelligent youngster. To pay respect to vain men with false fame or tyrants with power is not reverence. Reverence calls for respect only when respect is really the right attitude. We can define somewhat reverence as “the well developed capacity to have the feelings of awe and respect and shame when these are the right things to have. Reverence can be misplaced on wrong things on basis of belief, custom or whatever reason. It is not proper to mock at them if there is sincerity behind such reverence. There is a story related by Mark twain about a Yankee who was shown a lamp burning in a temple in Burma. The priest told him with awe that the lamp had never been extinguished for hundreds of years. “Is that so?” said the Yankee;” well, I guess it’s out now”; and he stooped down and blew it out. Mark Twain remarked that, “True reverence is the reverencing of other people’s reverence. Such an act alone would foster better understanding and tolerance in the world.

Learning from a donkey

2009-03-05T12:25:00.000+06:00

Man is a bundle of ego, greedy and is never easily satisfied.He is by nature comfort-seeking and grumbles when there is hard work and starts looking for easy options.The rich contentment and a serene detachment are possessions of only a very small few."No pain,no palm; No thorn,no throne;No gall,no glory;No cross,no crown." said William Penn to fellow quakers referring to the sufferings of Jesus Christ.He was crowned with thorns,was given gall to drink at his Crucifiction, and suffered pain on the cross.The message conveyed is that nothing worthwhile can ever be achieved without effort,struggle and sacrifice, be it in education ,character building, career growth or spiritual progress.

I was reminded of a verse in Subhashithani which reads as below:

अविश्रामं वहेद्भारं शीतोष्णं च न विन्दति

ससन्तोषस्तथा नित्यं त्रीणि शिक्षेत गर्दभात्

(He carries loads without rest, is not deterred by the heat or cold, is always content.These are the three things one should learn from the donkey.)This animal with its poker face devoid of any emotion is the most derided one and a constant butt of ridicule. Called a beast of burden , it has no appealing features with a voice that evokes scorn and contempt.It hurts none unless you go to its rear.It is otherwise a calm animal with no ego and doesn't create a ruckus.Give him the food and shelter, it works tirelessly without grumbling. It never claims recognition for hard work it does.It is always contented and does not fight with others of its ilk.

There is no detraction from dignity if we can learn even from this lowly animal.

Pleasing always is no virtue

2009-02-27T22:56:00.000+06:00

“I don't know the key to success but I know the key to failure- trying to please everyone.”
There is a weakness in all of us to be accepted and liked by others. These result in our saying always YES to please others. We seldom say No even if saying yes would inconvenience or hurt us. We do not like to displease others and are willing to suffer than being frank about our true feelings. While the need to be accepted and loved by others is a common trait, it would be a folly to strive to gain acceptance for all things we do or say. We must have a high esteem of ourselves and have confidence in our worth. While learning from the opinions of others is welcome, it should not become an obsession that the opinions of others are always right. When our dependence on outside approval becomes less, we would be in a stronger position to say NO.
I have seen how many people are made to work harder and longer in work places because they have not learnt to say NO without being impolite. Their submissive nature and tendency to please others should have affected their friendships and family relationships. We must remember that others respect us to the extent we respect ourselves. When you’re true to yourself, doing the things that you like, and developing your interests, you will be a better person. You will be better to be around and do a better job in all things you do

I took to writing stories to please only myself .But I used to get comments on my stories both positive and negative. There was a feeling that most of my stories ended on a sad note and more often than not I killed the main character to make the stories emotional. I gave serious thought to the idea of eschewing such sad ends. However one good friend advised me that as a writer I should not pay heed to all the advice and opinions of readers, and that I should write the story as I saw fit. She warned me that if I write more to please others than myself I would be pulled in different directions and that my creative ability and writing skill would eventually suffer. This advice that writing for myself was not selfish was a turning point and increased my hunger to write though I had not disregarded the need to maintain a balance between myself and my readers. It is always good to be yourself, to be natural, open and true, instead of succumbing to others views. It is more valuable to be original than be a mere mirror of others’ ideas.

Be thankful for the blessings

2009-02-26T17:47:00.000+06:00

How many of us are grateful for the things we have? We always keep complaining for more. Complaining is the opposite of being thankful. We would realise the abundance bestowed on us if only we are able to observe calmly how better off we are than most in the world. Yet we are averse to reflect on our blessings but compare ourselves with a few whom we perceive as better off. Being thankful is not only for the things given us but also for the things not given. A pink slip, an acute ailment, a sad bereavement of a dear one, a victim of natural disaster and many such could have made our lives miserable.. Just ponder a little to know how much we have been blessed in life by God. "For what I have received may the Lord make me truly thankful? And more truly for what I have not received." -Storm Jameson

We must be thankful for being able to hear when many are deaf, for the vision when countless are blind, for being able to walk and move about healthily when many are bedridden, for having a loving family of wife and children when many are lonely and desolate, for being able to eat well sumptuously three times a day when millions go hungry without a meal, for the job or employment that pays us well when many are jobless and for the roof over our heads when many lie in open space exposed to vagaries of nature. It is in countless ways that we have to be grateful to the Almighty and thank Him for keeping us in circumstances that are not so harsh and modest. Instead, when we have been given so much, we crave greedily for more and pray to Him foolishly asking for more. He knows what is apt for us.
We fail to see that He would shower more of his grace if only we are compassionate and kind to the needy by sharing a part of what we have already got. It is in giving, the key to receiving more lies. That is the mantra. We should always be thankful to God for keeping us in a position to help others. Let us end the night offering thanks for the kind acts we did during the day. Let us be thankful for every opportunity given to us to be of help to someone needy. We should be happy in life with our present lot. All things we have and the things we do not have are all God’s blessings. Our not possessing certain things and experiences are determined by Him for our good

“When you arise in the morning, give thanks for the morning light, for your life and strength. Give thanks for your food, and the joy of living. If you see no reason for giving thanks, the fault lies with yourself."

To be humble is great

2009-02-24T22:37:00.000+06:00

In the present day competitive world when people brag about their achievements and wealth, humility as a virtue is fast disappearing. Humility is often regarded as a negative trait and is equated with weakness or timidity. Importance is attached to self esteem suggesting that being humble goes against it. Little do people realize that humility doesn't mean thinking less of yourself? It means thinking of yourself less and showing greater concern for others too. It means understanding one’s own limitations. Humility means that we do not presume to know more than we actually know. It signifies being sensisitive to others feelings and stature and putting yourself in proper perspective. It means’ freedom from pride and arrogance, humbleness of mind and a modest estimate of one’s worth.’

One Professor “was listening to his students as they presented oral readings. When one young man rose to begin his recitation, he held his book in the wrong hand. The professor thundered, “Take your book in your right hand, and be seated!” At this harsh rebuke, the student held up his right arm. He did not have a right hand! The other students shifted uneasily in their chairs. For a moment, the professor hesitated. Then he made his way to the student, put his arm around him, and with tears streaming from his eyes, said, “I never knew about it. Please, will you forgive me?” His stature did not deter him from seeking forgiveness in public. He accepted his mistake and ego did not stand in the way. There was no false pride in him that we are witness to everywhere. Humility is defined as the state or quality of being humble; the absence of pride. It is better to have another man praise you rather than exalting yourself.

You can teach a humble person as his mind is not closed. He reforms himself before he attempts to reform the world. A humble person treats others with respect and accepts criticism or adversity as an opportunity to grow, to build character. If the seed has to sprout, it should go beneath the soil with the attitude 'I am nothing’. Likewise we must cultivate and develop humility when our ego is made to bow low in front of the Supreme and His creation visualizing everything as Him...Humility is accepting everything and anything without complaining

Do not always allow sleeping dogs to lie

2009-02-20T10:57:00.000+06:00

We do have often some issues with some persons that we have to confront them with. A subordinate whose work is not up to the mark, the driver whose handling of your car is rough, your fiancé on some of his or her undesirable habits , your child indulging in TV or computer games for unreasonably long time or your spouse in refusing to accept certain responsibilities. We employ different methods in dealing with the problem. We wish not to injure the relationship to the extent possible. Most often, we allow the sleeping dogs to lie and may at best make oblique reference to the issue. We nurse the hope things will become better wishing to maintain harmony. But such hidden remarks often do not have the intended result. We may also feel the alternatives are no better and that such issues are the order of the day. We forget that when we do not directly speak out, it is liable to be taken as weakness on our part or a tacit approval to the way things are. The situation can also become worse testing the limits of tolerance, as there is no confrontation. The two quotes “We receive the behaviour (or performance) we are willing to tolerate.” and “our silence, denial or avoidance gives approval to the situation” are to be borne in mind.

The above non-confrontation response is certainly not desirable. It is very much required to confront the problem headlong at some stage. There can be no evading the issue. The suggestions,that I read in a book entitled SUMO your relationships, are in a nutshell as follows: choose the right time to tackle the issue avoiding when tempers are frayed, focusing only on facts and not on emotions or perceptions, listening patiently to the other side, telling them the adverse outcomes of their actions that are under discussion and what would be the solutions to solve the issues. The one important thing would be to end the confrontation wherever possible on a positive note. This does not mean where there is no agreement, we should suffer the problems. Other ways are to be explored no doubt that may even be hurting sometimes.

Learning to be cheerful with our circumstances

2009-02-18T14:04:00.000+06:00

We are always restless worrying all the time about petty personal gains or hurts. If we look at our lives rather closely and frankly, we would find that we are, always at war with our circumstances and the people surrounding us .The intensity of war may vary in degrees but the strife is very much present. However much we may deny we do harbour negative thoughts due to our unfulfilled desires. We keep clamouring for more: quicker promotions in office, larger increments, admissions in better institutes of learning, acquisition of homes in good localities, more material comforts , newer gadgets and the list is endless. We dislike anything or anybody standing in the way of our realising them. These become our consuming passions and our mind is pre occupied mostly with such thoughts. Virtually the devil takes over the control of our mind. It then we lose the distinction between right and wrong , good and bad and are willing to adopt any unethical means to realise our objectives.
It is not our stand that we should not aim and work for reasonable goals. Yes, we must all have some aims and diligently work for them but by eschewing negative qualities of greed, jealousy, malice, anger and wickedness. We must make a sincere effort but accept the outcomes whatever they are without resorting to undesirable methods. We must learn to be contented. We can be happy and successful in ever so many areas in life and not thro achievement in selected choices alone. The young students who come out of the higher secondary schools should be taught that the world is wide open and a person can be successful in life even without entering into the prestigious institutes of learning like IIT or B schools. There are any number of areas where one can excel and show talent. We should avoid the beaten track and blaze new trails. We sow the seeds of failure and negative outlook young children when we instil in their minds that only some selected courses are desirable. I read in an article by M.P.K.Kutty that ”the swiftest man did not always win the battle; and wealth did not necessarily accrue to men of wisdom. It was largely a matter of chance. Success and good fortune does not always go to those who deserve it…...whatever your field of work take interest in it. Work diligently to the best of your ability. Take pride in your work.”

Is mom closer than dad?

2009-02-15T15:45:00.000+06:00

One question propped up in my mind why most of us take our mom for granted. Could it be that she is always available for us? When she praises or criticizes us, we do not pay as much attention as we pay to the very same remarks from our father. No doubt fathers are not always available busy as they are at workplace, or elsewhere. They have less time available for spending with family. It is only during weekly holidays we can snatch a few moments. The conversations with fathers are always deferential and a bit formal too. We do not take the kind of liberties we take as we do with moms. I remember my calling my mom in first person singular like thum, thumare while I had always used polite forms of second person pronoun and verbs like aap to my dad. It is not that I respected my dad more than I respected my mom. It is a different matter that I adopted the same respectful way of addressing mom after I was fifteen though my sisters continued to address her in singular.

I feel the proximity of mother right from birth, childhood and beyond could play a large role in feeling greater affinity and love towards mom that the formal way of dealing with her never arises.Infact she is the fulcrum around which the entire family moved. However, mom did most of the raising, disciplining and mentoring that children found distasteful. Nevertheless, I know of many families where requests to dad are placed through mom with no direct contact with dad on such matters. Children confide freely to mom than to dad, as they are sure of greater empathy with her. We generally give more attention or importance to anything scarce and with dad’s time in the family being less, an impression of greater attention to him is created. It is not that children are less respectful to mom; rather she is closer to the children. Her presence is pervasive and constant unlike the dad who is still adored. It is generally found that there is an intellectual compatibility with dad during discussions but the comfort level in doing things like homework, shopping, choice of dress or sharing personal information is more with mom.

“The hand that rocks the cradle may not rule the world, but it certainly makes it a better place”

Take pride in your job

2009-02-14T07:22:00.000+06:00

There are many things in our life we do not like but still we are compelled by circumstances to do. Some of us would like to be a writer, a painter, a musician, a teacher or a research scholar. But the family circumstances and other external factors make us to do a humdrum job we do not enjoy. If it were possible to change the conditions, then we can alter our position to the way we wish to live. But in life it does not always happen. A brilliant student who had dreamt of knowledge gathering is forced to do a pen pushing job in an office. A musician gifted with sweet voice for want of opportunities and patronage ends up as a teacher in a school. A person gifted with imagination and skillful hands who wished to be a Pablo Picasso or Salvador Dali or Raja Ravi Varma ends up as a bill board painter. True it is most depressing and unsatisfying to carry on with a job that one finds unattractive.
Instead of viewing, writing a billboard or writing notes on a file, a burden or an unwelcome load, how nice even these routine jobs would get interesting, if we accept them as a challenge to make them a better job. A housewife who cooks all the 365 days of the year can try to make new ones or different variants of the same dishes to invest them with new flavour and taste. If we start loving the job we do, we will no longer find them a weight on us. A news paper boy who delivers paper at my house comes the earliest amongst the boys and hands over the papers with a smile and a hello. I see in my office colleagues doing the same routine jobs that involves no brain power enjoy doing them without a flaw like my stenographer who ensures zero tolerance in typos. She finds her job enjoyable and doesn’t curse her lot.She took pride in her flawless and prompt work. Even the driver of the auto rickshaw I take occasionally spends time in keeping the vehicle spotlessly clean, burns an incense stick to give a fragrant smell and asks my preference whether I would like to hear light or classical music. I do not mind in giving some extra for the pleasure.
The moral is everything we do can be made a satisfying and happy job if we can take pride in the work we do however small and dull it may be.It will be noticed and may fetch happy outcomes.

Do not squander time

2009-02-12T22:21:00.000+06:00

We often come across people complaining that they hardly have the time to complete the job assigned to them, while there are a few who finish the very same work in a relaxed manner. All of us have equal time, not more or not less.”We always have time enough, if we will but use it right’ .Why then some accomplish easily while some struggle? The successful men organise their chores according to their importance, do one at a time and economize their time. They do not waste time on deciding what is to be done, in what order and when,thus procrastinating the important ones. The laggards start with easier jobs and do them leisurely leaving them hard pressed for time at the end for completing the urgent ones. They invariably fail. You must have heard the anecdote of a man spending years to learn the art of walking on water. When he narrated to Sri Ramakrishna Paramahamsa about his acquiring this feat, he laughed and said that he had wasted years for what can be done by paying ten paisa to the boatman. There should be a sense of proportion for the value of a job and the time devoted. Many people spend lot of time doing inconsequential things that have very little value.
If one fails to accomplish the work in time and always falls behind schedule there is a case for not accepting more work than what one can handle. This is to be decided by the individual. The best time saving habit is to start on time.”Lose an hour in the morning and you will be all day seeking it.”Make a plan of what you intend to do leaving small cushions of time in between for unforeseen contingencies. A well planned day means a relaxed day free from tension and hurry. Keep yourself busy throughout the day be it in work, recreation or hobbies.

Repentance is self-reproof

2009-02-11T21:09:00.000+06:00

All of us commit wrongs and some of us repeat the same wrongs. A few sincerely regret later for the wrong done when they are free from anger. They repent for the mistake. Repentance is a kind of self–reproof. It is an act of admitting the wrong and accepting responsibility for the wrong committed by submitting ourselves to the consequences. There should be no attempt to shift the blame on someone else or seek recourse to legal jugglery to avoid the adverse outcomes. It is no doubt painful to admit one’s wrong publicly and to eat the humble pie. It means shedding the self-conceit. Repentance should be accompanied by sincere tears for God to forgive.
While realizing sin or wrong committed and regretting it is good, that alone would not be adequate. One must be ashamed of it and resolve not to commit it again.”Blushing is the colour of virtue”, it is said. We must seek forgiveness from the person whom we have wronged by making good the loss suffered where possible. The act of making restitution is an important component in seeking forgiveness. Only then the heart is cleansed of the impurities and the forgiveness of the God is earned.

The purpose of life is to live a life of purpose

2009-02-10T05:36:00.000+06:00

A farmer sat daily in the evenings on the roadside culvert with his dog. His friend also used to join him. It was a highway with many trucks passing through. The dog had the strange habit of barking at every approaching truck and chasing it. The dog will run behind for some distance and return when the truck sped away. One day the farmer’s friend asked him, “Do you think this dog will ever catch a truck?” The farmer replied, “That is not my worry. What if it catches one?”
We are like those dogs chasing purposeless goals. I have asked many persons what their personal goals in life were. Some had no answer while some gave vague replies changing immediately their goals. Goals in the office are decided by the companies. But personal goals are our concern. We must decide what exactly we wish to accomplish. Most of us never do that in our life time. Just as clear goals are needed for a business to succeed; our personal lives also need clear and well determined goals that would enrich our lives. While it is understandable to have personal goals of succeeding in a career, acquiring huge wealth, or excelling in chosen avenues, we need to have other goals too.
I am talking of social goals of service to society. Having no goal means travelling in a train without knowing the destination. Life may still go on and at the end of our lives we would go with a sinking feeling of failure. Individual goals can differ. One can work for realizing the ultimate truth while another can spend his lifetime for the betterment of the poor and needy. A doctor may have as his goal of providing vision to the needy at affordable basis or free. A lawyer can help the indigent by pleading for them free. Education can be given free. Setting some goal to return to the society from what we have earned is better than drifting aimlessly without direction. A life lived only for self without any contribution to society is a waste. A useless life is an early death.

Give--without expectations

2009-02-08T12:24:00.000+06:00

Marcus Aurelius (121-180AD) was a great Roman emperor who lived a life inspired by the Greek ideal of philosophy as a way of life. His ‘Meditations’ is extraordinary for its spiritual force and content. His life was an eloquent testimony to the point that “Even in a palace life may be led well.” I give below an extract from the book.
“One man, when he has done a service to another, is ready to set it down to his account as favour conferred. Another is not ready to do this, but still in his own mind, he thinks of the man as his debtor, and he knows what he has done. A third in a manner does not even know what he has done, but he is like a vine which has produced grapes, and seeks for nothing more after it has once produced its proper fruit. As a horse when he has run, a dog when he has tracked the game, a bee when it has made the honey, so a man when he has done a good act, does not call out for others to come and see, but he goes on to another act, as a vine goes on to produce again the grapes in season. ---Must a man then be one of these, who in a manner act thus without observing it…”
Look at the present day proclivities of the people to publicise widely their donations and acts of ‘charity’. There is no humility or service in their offerings. When the gifts are accompanied with expectations, they cease to be gifts and become units of exchange in a trade done for some reward. It is said that when you donate the right hand should not know what the left hand is giving. Acts of charity should be done unknown, unseen and unspoken. If there is an expectation of an appreciation from others or gratitude from the recipients, there is a loss of merit in charity. It is not in the quantum of money given that value lies but in the attitude of giving. Generosity should be selfless and without any strings. The act of giving itself should bring profound joy to the giver and the receiver
“There is the legend of the people who bring great gifts to the altar - gold, silver, and other riches - in an effort to make the church bells ring. But all these riches are unable to sound the chimes. Then a child - unnoticed by the congregation - quietly and humbly walks up to the altar and offers as his gift his only penny. At that moment, the chimes ring out. Because he gave all he had out of love, with no expectation of anything in return, it was the greatest gift of all. We have opportunities everyday to give of ourselves, and it doesn't have to be on any grand scale.”

Curiosity never killed the cat

2009-02-07T11:10:00.000+06:00

I have a good friend who in her first mail to me was curious to know who inspired me to write and why my stories had sad endings I had a hunch then that behind the mail there was an alert mind and intelligent person who had a thirst for knowledge It turned out to be completely true But most of us accept things as we see and make no attempt to go a little deeper It is only questioning that takes us to deeper levels of understanding. When we understand more through curiosity, we command respect by the type of questions we ask and gain by the new ideas we are exposed to. We go beyond the outer surface, learn more impelled by the desire to know more Without this quest to seek answers for the not so obvious, many of the great inventions would not have taken place at all.

Never smother the curiosity of children who are endowed with this natural gift of asking questions, like why, what, who, where and when. Never be guided by the proverb curiosity killed the cat. Encourage them and give them patiently the answers they seek. Generally parents and teachers get annoyed if the children ask too many questions. This is wrong and kills the initiative to learn in potential geniuses. They fail to appreciate that curiosity is an essential trait of a genius and should be encouraged..
Develop the habit of questioning if you haven’t one already. Be open to fresh ideas. All the great intellectuals who have enriched our society with their findings had this trait of curiosity in common. Our mind becomes active and we are exposed to new ideas. We would be aware of the different options to any issue and our decisions would be intelligent and sound. Life would turn to be very interesting with us always looking for new meanings and new purposes in what we see and hear.
The important thing is not to stop questioning… Never lose a holy curiosity Albert Einstein

Why men are grouchy but not children?

2009-02-06T06:52:00.000+06:00

You must have observed new born babies smile frequently without any apparent reason. They smile any number of times a day and even during their sleep. When it sees a simple toy, its mom’s face or for that matter any known face, it breaks into a smile. When it hears a rattler or sees a bird or any colourful thing its face beams. Smile for it is a state of happiness and contentment. It derives happiness at simple things. It has no expectations and is contented.This frequent smile fades slowly as it grows older. Look at the grown up men. They rarely smile as they are always in a state of unhappiness. They crave for more money, more comforts, and more wealth and in some cases for more women. They are not satisfied with what they possess and are driven by greed and passion. When they fail to realise what they wish for, they become worried, tense and grouchy driving away happiness and contentment.
Happiness comes about if we are thankful to the God for our blessings instead of bemoaning at our wants. We can compare ourselves with the less fortunate and be grateful for the gift of good health, keen mental and physical faculties and for the good family and friends. But we rarely do this crying over what we have not been blessed with. We always forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but only by recognizing and appreciating what we have. We must realise that there is no end to craving and desire and that happiness can be acquired only by contentment. This does not mean that you should lead a life of sanyasin.You can have normal ambitions in life and legitimate desires .You can acquire wealth to live in comfort and help the needy but not be greedy, you can marry to lead a happy married life but not be driven by lust and you can exercise power to do good to others but not to harass.
“Contentment is natural wealth, luxury is artificial poverty.”