After a while

It takes time to become confident and assertive.We are likely to meet along the life’s way overwhelming failures and shining successes. If we develop the ability to face them calmly and to bounce back where fallen without ascribing it to fate, we would have learnt the secret of winning.I read this passage with a beautiful poem by Veronica.A.Shoffstall entitled ‘ After a while’ and wish to share with you.
After a while you learnt
the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn
that love doesn’t mean leaning
and company doesn’t mean security.
And you begin to learn
that kisses aren’t contracts
and presents aren’t promises
and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and eyes ahead
with the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child
and you learn
to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow’s ground is
too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of falling down
in mid-flight.
After a while you learn
that even sunshine burns
if you get too much
so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone
to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure
you really are strong
you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn
with every goodbye, you learn…

Lunatics never unite

As children we were told the story of how four bulls running in disarray are easily attacked and killed by a single lion while when they stood together, the lion backed away in fear.The moral that was dinned in our impressionable minds was that strength lay in unity.We have also been taught that singly the wooden sticks can be easily broken but well nigh impossible when bound together to buttress the point that united we stand and divided we fall.I read in a book by Kopmeyer that when a visitor to a lunatic asylum asked how only 3 guards were able to control 100 violence prone dangerous lunatics, he was told that lunatics never unite.

This set me thinking that it is not the lunatics alone who do not unite but even the common people are unaware of the power of unity.Otherwise how would one explain that British colonialists controlled crores of our people with a very small military force for more than two centuries.Even today it is the lack of unity that enables unscruplous politicians and officials to indulge in unabashed corruption of astronomical magnitude in every aspect of our lives.If only the people had learnt that strength lay in their unity and in the power of their ballot,we could have achieved a clean and honest government everywhere across the country.Jayaprakash Narayan was aware of the people’s power and galvanised the entire country to throw out an oppressive government.It was the strength of the united stand that made it possible.

It is time that unlike lunatics we should unite to oppose all forms of injustice and delay in justice, discrimination on the bais of gender,religion and caste,unfair displacement of people to benefit a few, mindless accumulation of economic power in the hands of a few business families,appropriation of political power again in a few families, flawed policies of keeping the poor ever in want and prevention of a true democratic ethos in the governance of the country.If we fail to stand up united,today the posterity will mock at us saying lunatics never unite. When bad men combine, the good must associate; else they will fall, one by one, an unpitied sacrifice in a contemptible struggle. Edmund Burke

Suspicion can kill relationships

Every relationship stands on a tripod of trust, love, and fairness. The moment you lose your trust and begin to suspect your spouse, lover or friend, then the bond of affection that guides the relationship gets weakened with the risk of disappearing gradually if not set right in time. This is not to say that one must turn a blind eye to the danger signals in the relationship.There are several pointers which any shrewd person gets to detect.The primary thing is not to hit the panic button immediately or get unduly upset.The proper and reasonable course would be to question the person whom you are suspecting directly and thrash out the matter.This must be done with open mind and not with unverified assumptions.Jumping to conclusions without a basis besides infuriating the other party can also fuel more suspicions.Jealousy drives people crazy and make them do unusual things like snooping,spying and tailing without a proper assessment of the situation.Such methods end up with disconcerting results where the suspected person is above board. The attempt should be to get at the truth of the matter tactfully.This may not always be easy if the person supected is really a cheater,he will never tell the truth and may tend to be more careful to hide.But drect questions and meeting of the eyes would indicate in most cases the truth.

To suspect an affair when your spouse/lover/friend merely talks or exchanges messages /mails with another person of opposite gender in a friendly manner is nothing but jealousy or the outcome of insecurities like lack of good looks, academic attainments or a good position or other skills in comparison to the other.Most often it is jealousy that is the root cause of suspicion.It has the power to destroy relationships.Extreme possessiveness leads to jealousy and excessive control ovet the other.The person tends to become invasive.It is the lack of knowledge of the real happenings or the truth that gives rise to suspicion and vague fears of losing the person to the other.It would be unreasonable to expect your husband/lover/friend to stop talking to others or having normal friendship. It is however a matter of concern if a large part of the time is spent by spouse/lover with another person beyond the call of duty or normal behaviour between two friends.Confronted with evidence, the guilty would normally accept the charge and plead for forgiveness.It is also possible for the guilty person to force the things to a head.It is then a cool decision should be taken whether to bring an end to the relationship taking into account various factors. If however the suspicion turns out to be wrong after verbal fights and dirty accusations, there is the risk of loss of trust and relationship besides justifiable anger.Cautious and patient understanding of the situation is the key.

“Pure love and suspicion cannot dwell together: at the door where the latter enters, the former makes its exit”

Gaining respect the right way

All of us when we go up in the official ladder to higher positions of responsibility wish to gain respect from all in the work place. We also like people to respect us not by the positions we hold but by virtue of our own personality and personal traits. Respect is always earned by our actions while obedience is enforced. It is not uncommon to see workers and subordinate officials bow in deference to a boorish and arrogant superior. This is more out of fear for the harm he can do than genuine regard for the individual.
There are a few basic principles to gain respect from employees.
Do not try to be popular: When tough decisions are to be taken, the path of least resistance is always a chosen route and a busy boulevard. Bosses are afraid to hurt the sentiments of a large number of people and would like to be known as humane. But it is good to remember decisions are to be taken on the merits of the case for the good of the company and the long term interests of the employees. Cheap popularity and wise decisions are not always compatible.
Be strict in enforcing discipline: Good discipline should be consistent, without fear or favour and always with prior warning of the penalty for wrong doing. It should be fair and commensurate with the violation. The penalty should be given immediately after the violation and can be identified directly to the misconduct. It should be impartial with no blue eyed boys getting away Scot free. A boss who follows these principles would command greater respect than one who is erratic and selective in dispensing punishments.
Be a role model : Never put yourself in compromising situations in all things you do. Be they in dealing with office stationary, being punctual, dealing with lady staff, businesslike meetings, and efficiency in work, relations with peers or bosses and the polite language employed. Remember you are being watched all the time by your employees. They keep learning from you. There are no separate yardsticks to judge people.
Avoid favours from subordinates: We often come across managers sending employees to do personal errands on their behalf during duty hours. Unconsciously this puts them in obligation to them. A quid pro quo is expected and some leniency or favour demanded. The other employees tend to know the happenings. This brings down the boss from their esteem. As a rule do not employ subordinates for personal work. It is also good to avoid socializing with them like playing cards or drinking beer with subordinates after office hours. But bosses should invariably attend employees’ weddings or commiserating with them at their homes on their bereavements. The boss should be seen as a mentor and well wisher

A Life That Matters

Ready or not, some day it will all come to an end.

There will be no more sunrises, no minutes, hours or days. All the things we collected, whether treasured or forgotten, will pass to someone else.

Our wealth, fame and temporal power will shrivel to irrelevance. It will not matter what we owned or what we were owed.

Our grudges, resentments, frustrations, and jealousies will finally disappear. So, too, our hopes, ambitions, plans, and to-do lists will expire.

The wins and losses that once seemed so important will fade away.

It won't matter where we came from, or on what side of the tracks we lived, at the end.

It won't matter whether we were beautiful or brilliant.

Even our gender and skin color will be irrelevant.

So what will matter? How will the value of our days be measured? What will matter is not what we bought, but what we built; not what we got, but what we gave.

What will matter is not our success, but our significance. What will matter is not what we learned, but what we taught.

What will matter is every act of integrity, compassion, courage or sacrifice that enriched, empowered or encouraged others to emulate our example.

What will matter is not our competence, but our character. What will matter is not how many people we knew, but how many will feel a lasting loss when we are gone.

What will matter is not our memories, but the memories that will live in those who loved us.

What will matter is how long we will be remembered, by whom and for what.

Living a life that matters doesn't happen by accident. It's not a matter of circumstance but of choice.

Choose to live a life that matters.

"We are, or become, those things which we repeatedly do.

Therefore, Excellence can become not just an event, but a habit ".

Albert Einstein.

The Rules For Being Human

Author Unknown

1. You will receive a body. You may like it or hate it, but it will be yours for the entire period this time around.

2. You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called life. Each day in this school you will have the opportunity to learn lessons. You may like the lessons or think them irrelevant and stupid.

3. There are no mistakes,a only lessons. Growth is a process of trial and error; experimentation. The failed experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiments that ultimately “work.”

4. A lesson is repeated until learned. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, then you can go on to the next lesson.

5. Learning lessons does not end. There is no part of life that does not contain lessons. If you are alive, there are lessons to be learned.

6. There is no better place than here. Where your there has become a here, you simple will contain another there that will again look better than here.

7. Others are mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something you love or hate about yourself.

8. What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.

9. The answers lie inside you. The answers to life’s questions lie inside you. All you need to do is look, listen, and trust.

10. You will forget this.

The Whole World Stinks

I read this passage somewhere (author not known) and wish to share with you all for the message it contains
" Wise men and philosophers throughout the ages have disagreed on many things, but many are in unanimous agreement on one point: "We become what we think about." Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "A man is what he thinks about all day long." The Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius put it this way: "A man's life is what his thoughts make of it." In the Bible we find: "As a man thinks in his heart, so is he."
One Sunday afternoon, a cranky grandfather was visiting his family. As he lay down to take a nap, his grandson decided to have a little fun by putting Limburger cheese on Grandfather's mustache. Soon, grandpa awoke with a snort and charged out of the bedroom saying, "This room stinks." Through the house he went, finding every room smelling the same. Desperately he made his way outside only to find that "the whole world stinks!"
So it is when we fill our minds with negativism. Everything we experience and everybody we encounter will carry the scent we hold in our mind."