Thursday, March 13, 2014

Forgive to see the difference

We frequently complain of difficulty in forgiving and forgetting. This set me thinking about forgiving. Whether it is easy to forgive or not depends on the mental makeup of the individuals. Nearly everyone has been hurt at some stage or the other by the words or deeds of others. It can be one of our own close relatives, friends, colleagues or utter strangers. The level and intensity of hurt may vary. While these can leave one in anger and bitterness, it is only us who suffer finally if we do not practice forgiveness. But one thing we can be sure of that the person who forgives is no more troubled in mind and can have a good night’s sleep. Nursing the hurt and constantly turning in the mind adds only to the misery. “A spark will die of itself if it falls where there is not a blade of grass. Similarly he who has earned the mantle of peace cannot be harmed by evil.” Forgiving brings peace and fosters other positive traits like’ humility, solidarity and gratitude.’ The act of letting go of resentment and the urge for tit for tat can actually let us lead a happy life. ”Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing at someone else: you are the one who gets burned.” Buddha Life becomes a lot easier if one learns to accept an apology not really given.
Do we not forgive our children or spouse for the hurt they cause more easily than we forgive a stranger or even a friend? Why do we distinguish then in the act of forgiving? Is there a trace of selfishness or expectation in forgiving the dear and near? Ponder over the reason to get a better perspective.
Acharya Vidyananda says “The Sanskrit word for forgiveness, kshama, may be traced back to the elements of Ksha and ma, which indicate a knot and a negation respectively.Kshama thus suggests that we must refrain from tying up our minds in knots of resentment Forgiveness is a sign of courage and fortitude; it is not to be confused with the resignation of cowardice.”
While it is conceded that to ordinary people it is difficult to forgive when an extreme injustice or hurt has been caused, it should not be difficult to practice this where the hurts are imaginary or minor in nature. To be always on the lookout for possible hurt will render one friendless. Forgiving doesn’t mean you forget the incident or deny the responsibility of the person who caused the hurt. Forgiving is just excusing the other person of the hurt caused without lessening the wrong. By practicing it in a manner that it becomes our second nature,we would find ourselves free from bitterness and surrounded by friends
Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.” Mark Twain

11 comments:

  1. Yes , we must learn to forgive and forget though difficult. Hurt is always not intentional there is a reason and we need to understand. I do forgive but at times I do not forget because that helps me to handle the person next time around.

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  2. True that forgiving helps us take out a great burden from our minds.... Forgetting is a boon too. But very difficult to practice. The thing is, we expect someone to forgive us when we are wrong, yet find it difficult to forgive someone else when he is wrong :) A timely post, Sir. Let's learn the art of forgiving and forgetting.

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  3. True. It is easier to live after forgiving. Thoughts of revenge just give misery. Interesting analogy of ksha and ma. Never knew about that.
    My shiksha guru once told, in the eternity of soul we meet a person only for a small fraction of our life in this world. Why should you waste your time for any pain caused in that fraction. Forgive and move on. :)

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  4. If only the practice was easy. We all hold on to our ego. I do!

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  5. Remembering gives misery. Forgiveness gives peace.
    My shiksha guru once told, In the eternal life of soul we meet a person for only a small fraction of time, so why keep grudges for that fraction, give the pain a release and liberate yourself. Nice, no.

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  6. Very nicely said! Though it is difficult to follow 'forgiving' people who hurt us, we can try our best to at least not hurting them back. Forgiving is difficult.

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  7. Thoughtful post, KP. We seldom forget, least forgive. These days, forgiveness seems to be a trait that only Gods posses :P

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  8. Forgiveness is one of the greatest virtues that a human can develop. It takes years to get to the point where we can finally forgive, it surely lifts away all the baggage we carry and feels so much lighter. But the forgiven souls dont mostly realize the magnanimity of the forgiving ones.. anyways does it matter really!

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  9. All you say is true but very difficult to follow:)

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  10. So true, forgiveness is one of the biggest and also one of the most under-rated virtues ever. And I say this cz I reently forgave somebody who hurt me deeply. It is very difficult, ofcourse. It took me quite some time to let go off the grudge. But when it did happen... It felt like heaven. U might not believ me, but I felt like being God for a mili-second. I felt the calmness I was craving for since long.
    My grandfather always used to say, if you forgive, you will grow bigger... and finally I understood what he meant.
    And you have written it so beautifully, I'm glad I read it ! :)

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  11. Forgiveness is a great virtue, unfortunately many of us haven't cultivated it. You have explained the virtue so well. Sometimes we too must pause to see how many people we have hurt instead of counting how many people hurt us.

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