Wednesday, September 29, 2010

After a while

It takes time to become confident and assertive.We are likely to meet along the life’s way overwhelming failures and shining successes. If we develop the ability to face them calmly and to bounce back where fallen without ascribing it to fate, we would have learnt the secret of winning.I read this passage with a beautiful poem by Veronica.A.Shoffstall entitled ‘ After a while’ and wish to share with you.
After a while you learnt
the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn
that love doesn’t mean leaning
and company doesn’t mean security.
And you begin to learn
that kisses aren’t contracts
and presents aren’t promises
and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and eyes ahead
with the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child
and you learn
to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow’s ground is
too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of falling down
in mid-flight.
After a while you learn
that even sunshine burns
if you get too much
so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone
to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure
you really are strong
you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn
with every goodbye, you learn…

Monday, September 27, 2010

Lunatics never unite

As children we were told the story of how four bulls running in disarray are easily attacked and killed by a single lion while when they stood together, the lion backed away in fear.The moral that was dinned in our impressionable minds was that strength lay in unity.We have also been taught that singly the wooden sticks can be easily broken but well nigh impossible when bound together to buttress the point that united we stand and divided we fall.I read in a book by Kopmeyer that when a visitor to a lunatic asylum asked how only 3 guards were able to control 100 violence prone dangerous lunatics, he was told that lunatics never unite.

This set me thinking that it is not the lunatics alone who do not unite but even the common people are unaware of the power of unity.Otherwise how would one explain that British colonialists controlled crores of our people with a very small military force for more than two centuries.Even today it is the lack of unity that enables unscruplous politicians and officials to indulge in unabashed corruption of astronomical magnitude in every aspect of our lives.If only the people had learnt that strength lay in their unity and in the power of their ballot,we could have achieved a clean and honest government everywhere across the country.Jayaprakash Narayan was aware of the people’s power and galvanised the entire country to throw out an oppressive government.It was the strength of the united stand that made it possible.

It is time that unlike lunatics we should unite to oppose all forms of injustice and delay in justice, discrimination on the bais of gender,religion and caste,unfair displacement of people to benefit a few, mindless accumulation of economic power in the hands of a few business families,appropriation of political power again in a few families, flawed policies of keeping the poor ever in want and prevention of a true democratic ethos in the governance of the country.If we fail to stand up united,today the posterity will mock at us saying lunatics never unite. When bad men combine, the good must associate; else they will fall, one by one, an unpitied sacrifice in a contemptible struggle. Edmund Burke

Suspicion can kill relationships

Every relationship stands on a tripod of trust, love, and fairness. The moment you lose your trust and begin to suspect your spouse, lover or friend, then the bond of affection that guides the relationship gets weakened with the risk of disappearing gradually if not set right in time. This is not to say that one must turn a blind eye to the danger signals in the relationship.There are several pointers which any shrewd person gets to detect.The primary thing is not to hit the panic button immediately or get unduly upset.The proper and reasonable course would be to question the person whom you are suspecting directly and thrash out the matter.This must be done with open mind and not with unverified assumptions.Jumping to conclusions without a basis besides infuriating the other party can also fuel more suspicions.Jealousy drives people crazy and make them do unusual things like snooping,spying and tailing without a proper assessment of the situation.Such methods end up with disconcerting results where the suspected person is above board. The attempt should be to get at the truth of the matter tactfully.This may not always be easy if the person supected is really a cheater,he will never tell the truth and may tend to be more careful to hide.But drect questions and meeting of the eyes would indicate in most cases the truth.

To suspect an affair when your spouse/lover/friend merely talks or exchanges messages /mails with another person of opposite gender in a friendly manner is nothing but jealousy or the outcome of insecurities like lack of good looks, academic attainments or a good position or other skills in comparison to the other.Most often it is jealousy that is the root cause of suspicion.It has the power to destroy relationships.Extreme possessiveness leads to jealousy and excessive control ovet the other.The person tends to become invasive.It is the lack of knowledge of the real happenings or the truth that gives rise to suspicion and vague fears of losing the person to the other.It would be unreasonable to expect your husband/lover/friend to stop talking to others or having normal friendship. It is however a matter of concern if a large part of the time is spent by spouse/lover with another person beyond the call of duty or normal behaviour between two friends.Confronted with evidence, the guilty would normally accept the charge and plead for forgiveness.It is also possible for the guilty person to force the things to a head.It is then a cool decision should be taken whether to bring an end to the relationship taking into account various factors. If however the suspicion turns out to be wrong after verbal fights and dirty accusations, there is the risk of loss of trust and relationship besides justifiable anger.Cautious and patient understanding of the situation is the key.

“Pure love and suspicion cannot dwell together: at the door where the latter enters, the former makes its exit”