Monday, September 27, 2010

Suspicion can kill relationships

Every relationship stands on a tripod of trust, love, and fairness. The moment you lose your trust and begin to suspect your spouse, lover or friend, then the bond of affection that guides the relationship gets weakened with the risk of disappearing gradually if not set right in time. This is not to say that one must turn a blind eye to the danger signals in the relationship.There are several pointers which any shrewd person gets to detect.The primary thing is not to hit the panic button immediately or get unduly upset.The proper and reasonable course would be to question the person whom you are suspecting directly and thrash out the matter.This must be done with open mind and not with unverified assumptions.Jumping to conclusions without a basis besides infuriating the other party can also fuel more suspicions.Jealousy drives people crazy and make them do unusual things like snooping,spying and tailing without a proper assessment of the situation.Such methods end up with disconcerting results where the suspected person is above board. The attempt should be to get at the truth of the matter tactfully.This may not always be easy if the person supected is really a cheater,he will never tell the truth and may tend to be more careful to hide.But drect questions and meeting of the eyes would indicate in most cases the truth.

To suspect an affair when your spouse/lover/friend merely talks or exchanges messages /mails with another person of opposite gender in a friendly manner is nothing but jealousy or the outcome of insecurities like lack of good looks, academic attainments or a good position or other skills in comparison to the other.Most often it is jealousy that is the root cause of suspicion.It has the power to destroy relationships.Extreme possessiveness leads to jealousy and excessive control ovet the other.The person tends to become invasive.It is the lack of knowledge of the real happenings or the truth that gives rise to suspicion and vague fears of losing the person to the other.It would be unreasonable to expect your husband/lover/friend to stop talking to others or having normal friendship. It is however a matter of concern if a large part of the time is spent by spouse/lover with another person beyond the call of duty or normal behaviour between two friends.Confronted with evidence, the guilty would normally accept the charge and plead for forgiveness.It is also possible for the guilty person to force the things to a head.It is then a cool decision should be taken whether to bring an end to the relationship taking into account various factors. If however the suspicion turns out to be wrong after verbal fights and dirty accusations, there is the risk of loss of trust and relationship besides justifiable anger.Cautious and patient understanding of the situation is the key.

“Pure love and suspicion cannot dwell together: at the door where the latter enters, the former makes its exit”


  1. "Trust, but verify" is the age-old maxim. My boss used to tell me when I happened to be HR manager, "Keep your antenna wide open, but as you reflect on what u received, shut if for some time at least" .

    subbu rathinam

  2. jealous.....another evil in human mind....and jealous feeling enter bcoz one becomes possessive...
    being possessive...and soon in enters suspicion/doubts...and then comes the relationship to naught.
    a topic which is most needed in the present scenario where suspicion indeed is killing not just relationships but human life too...

  3. Well-written, as usual. Jealousy and suspicion usually happen when a person has low self-esteem.

    Thanks for this post. Best wishes.

  4. Why give room for suspicion followed by all sorts of negative feelings ? At what cost? Is it really necessary to continue in a friendship [much as it may be pure]that causes unhappiness and tension in a family?

    Than Thalayil thane man alli pottu kolvadu pol?

    Applies to both the genders.

  5. if trust is lost, everything is lost. nice article.