Do not always allow sleeping dogs to lie

We do have often some issues with some persons that we have to confront them with. A subordinate whose work is not up to the mark, the driver whose handling of your car is rough, your fiancé on some of his or her undesirable habits , your child indulging in TV or computer games for unreasonably long time or your spouse in refusing to accept certain responsibilities. We employ different methods in dealing with the problem. We wish not to injure the relationship to the extent possible. Most often, we allow the sleeping dogs to lie and may at best make oblique reference to the issue. We nurse the hope things will become better wishing to maintain harmony. But such hidden remarks often do not have the intended result. We may also feel the alternatives are no better and that such issues are the order of the day. We forget that when we do not directly speak out, it is liable to be taken as weakness on our part or a tacit approval to the way things are. The situation can also become worse testing the limits of tolerance, as there is no confrontation. The two quotes “We receive the behaviour (or performance) we are willing to tolerate.” and “our silence, denial or avoidance gives approval to the situation” are to be borne in mind.

The above non-confrontation response is certainly not desirable. It is very much required to confront the problem headlong at some stage. There can be no evading the issue. The suggestions,that I read in a book entitled SUMO your relationships, are in a nutshell as follows: choose the right time to tackle the issue avoiding when tempers are frayed, focusing only on facts and not on emotions or perceptions, listening patiently to the other side, telling them the adverse outcomes of their actions that are under discussion and what would be the solutions to solve the issues. The one important thing would be to end the confrontation wherever possible on a positive note. This does not mean where there is no agreement, we should suffer the problems. Other ways are to be explored no doubt that may even be hurting sometimes.