Friday, February 27, 2009

Pleasing always is no virtue

“I don't know the key to success but I know the key to failure- trying to please everyone.”
There is a weakness in all of us to be accepted and liked by others. These result in our saying always YES to please others. We seldom say No even if saying yes would inconvenience or hurt us. We do not like to displease others and are willing to suffer than being frank about our true feelings. While the need to be accepted and loved by others is a common trait, it would be a folly to strive to gain acceptance for all things we do or say. We must have a high esteem of ourselves and have confidence in our worth. While learning from the opinions of others is welcome, it should not become an obsession that the opinions of others are always right. When our dependence on outside approval becomes less, we would be in a stronger position to say NO.
I have seen how many people are made to work harder and longer in work places because they have not learnt to say NO without being impolite. Their submissive nature and tendency to please others should have affected their friendships and family relationships. We must remember that others respect us to the extent we respect ourselves. When you’re true to yourself, doing the things that you like, and developing your interests, you will be a better person. You will be better to be around and do a better job in all things you do
I took to writing stories to please only myself .But I used to get comments on my stories both positive and negative. There was a feeling that most of my stories ended on a sad note and more often than not I killed the main character to make the stories emotional. I gave serious thought to the idea of eschewing such sad ends. However one good friend advised me that as a writer I should not pay heed to all the advice and opinions of readers, and that I should write the story as I saw fit. She warned me that if I write more to please others than myself I would be pulled in different directions and that my creative ability and writing skill would eventually suffer. This advice that writing for myself was not selfish was a turning point and increased my hunger to write though I had not disregarded the need to maintain a balance between myself and my readers. It is always good to be yourself, to be natural, open and true, instead of succumbing to others views. It is more valuable to be original than be a mere mirror of others’ ideas.


  1. How true Mr KP
    In the process of being in the good books of others...........we end up leading a life as per their expectations and what and how we really want to live........ lies dormant
    Thanks for this beautiful article

  2. Thank you,lakshmi,I fully agree with you

  3. That's precisely why you write so well. What you've written is very true, in order to please others we tend to forget our identity, our real self. Its always good to know what you want from yourself and work accordingly, the world would follow you. Being open to suggestions is not a bad idea, but loosing yourself in the process definately is. Hats off to you for following your heart!

  4. True indeed. We keep nodding our head like puppets and say yes or no according to what people want us to say. But is it just to be in their good books?
    It is not enough to just learn to say a NO when we mean a NO.
    We also have to learn to accept a NO when it is told to us. Accepting, a NO makes the other person feel his/her views are also given the much needed value and respect.
    It is when the NO is not wholeheartedly accepted that unpleasantness is created both to the person who says and the person to whom it is addressed.
    Sir, I feel harmony can be felt a lot when a NO is accepted.
    No hurt intended please.